Little Girl, Don't Close Your Eyes

She is worthless
Just a figment of what she should be
Never right; eternal blunder
The first mistake God ever made
She is scarred
Torn to pieces, in and out
Yearning for a sense of healing
Turned away at every door
She is growing
But inwardly the ghost remains
A childhood lost
A crippled spirit hides in pain
She is fighting
Bobbing just above the water
Waning will
With so few lights to guide her way

Do you notice?
The girl pretending to be strong
She's sinking deeper in the quicksand
Being swallowed up with doubt
Do you see her?
As all the pressure weighs her down
The more she fights the more she falls
And you just stand there...

Little girl
Hiding in your woman's clothing
Don't you know?
There is reason to survive
Little girl
All the things they said were wrong
You can turn away the night
Don't close your eyes...

Author's Note

Its different, I know... You may not grasp the way it flows at first... Like I said, its kind of weird, but this is how it decided to be written. I don't even know what I would consider this. The physical layout isn't exactly the way I had it on paper, but I couldn't make it the same way without it looking weird. I'm curious as to your interpretation of this piece though. Those who know me a little more personally may get it easier than others.

Reviews

[Ashley Black]

i really like the way you wrote this. it puts itself together well. nice write. i like it

[JENY]

Don't close your eyes...
A well expressed truth that…
Nobody can present to the world…
The authentic person he or she is….
Everybody is split inside..
Between a raw self…and a fabricated self…
The raw real self….agonizes inside for want of an outlet to express itself…
Your poem seems to be depicting such a situation….
It conveys to the reader a painful crisis….
It touched me….

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I think this poem was really good. I agree that it is different, but change is a good thing sometimes. This was well written and I really liked this. I think it is awesome. It is emotional and I really do like this. Thank you so much for sharing. :)

[HorrorMaster]

Very good write and sad. :(

[Senseless whatever]

Great write. I like the progression of this. Although it starts off with a depressed feeling it ends with a single spark of hope.

[Tina Kline]

A very sad poem describing the way so many little girls have to grow up to be women in the world. Not prepared at all!

[Chantel]

Oh my word, I love this. :) I liked the kind of rhythm to it, reminds me of a song or something :) And the point was good too, and it kept me reading and wanting to read more which is always good :)
My favorite part is probably the same piece Ashesh quoted, so I've no need to quote it again since it's only two comments before mine, but yes this is amazing and I especially love that part :)

[An owl on the moon]

There is such a sadness here, journey into the depth of heart and soul.. one who is lost to herself and the world. What a depth of feeling you share.

[Ashesh]

I simply adore this part of your poem.. It gives the feeling of suffocation, helplessness and gloominess..
"Do you notice?
The girl pretending to be strong
She's sinking deeper in the quicksand
Being swallowed up with doubt
Do you see her?
As all the pressure weighs her down
The more she fights the more she falls
And you just stand there..."

Also, I liked the way you ended the poem. It sounds hopeful and redeeming.

[Aggie Skeleton]

Intresting, I enjoyed it. It's great when you try something new.