One Last Breath

What happens when you cannot write?

When you can only sit and feel?

Emotions running wild in your head

Your mind spins like a hamster’s wheel

 

What happens when there’s no release?

When the pain of life just builds

Like murky waters rising with no remorse

Seeking to drown your waning will

 

What happens when you reach that breaking point

And there’s nothing you can do

But watch the world keep spinning ‘round

While no one truly cares for you?

 

And what happens when you finally lose

The battle of your fading life?

When you feel your heart slowly giving out

So you give in    one last breath    then take the knife.

Author's Note

I decided I shouldn't have to post an explanation after each poem. Each person can interpret it how they wish and if anyone wants an explanation of why it was written, they are more than welcome to ask me.

Reviews

[Tommy]

You know I often wonder how long I will last. I suffer from Bi polar, and at times I don't think I will make it another day. I thank God that so far I have been able to hold on to His strength, because if it were not for him I would not be here. This is a great write, I love the pieces I can relate to the most, and this one hit home!

Nice work!
RLG,
Tommy

[Norma M Sutton]

Excellent. I especially like these two sentences

Emotions running wild in your head

Your mind spins like a hamster’s wheel

[Nianque]

EMOTION. POWERFUL. SOUL WRENCHING. makes my heart bled. Just don't pick up the knife !

[Senseless whatever]

Good write. The 'what happens' is so powerful here. You pose a lot of good questions and answer with powerful imagery. I can feel the sadness dripping from the screen.

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I think this is a very emotional write. I really enjoyed it. I could feel the emotions in it. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Devons]

Although the meter of this poem varies from time to time with the syllabic length of sentences, I think it works rather well in spite of that and appears more deliberately crafted rather than accidental. The rhyme scheme is subtly organised and I think the way the theme builds to the end is what makes it effective, leaving the impression of a neatly-parcelled overall package.
The first verse I think is particularly good. The poem speaks directly to the reader, and I think its theme is a universal one, and its dangers are darkly conveyed.

[Chantel]

Excellent write, I especially love the first stanza! :)
100/100 :)

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

You really put a lot of emotion into this write. It is quite frightening for many reasons. You did a great job of writing about how you feel when the words just dont come out. That's what you call some serious irony.

[Jenny Nelson]

Very strong piece that many can relate to. Well done. I particularly like the first two stanzas, but the whole poem is all good.

[deeps]

I really enjoyed this write. This is just so full of powerful emotion. I like this, it is so well expressed and written.