Divided I Fall

There’s a whirlwind in my head

A frightening maelstrom of destruction

Tearing my heart and soul to pieces

Destroying sanity I barely have

 

It’s wreaking havoc in my heart

Because of all the things you did

As you sit pretty in your blinded life

False innocence cloaking your hideous face

 

As I’m fighting to keep myself from falling

Dangling by dangerously slipping fingers

You brush your hair in the mirror, smiling

Never losing a wink of blissful sleep

 

No, I take the pain for both of us

For when you left you broke our bond uneven

I got the bitterly frayed and stained end piece

While you got the one with pretty ribbons tied

 

And no one’s the wiser for you sit and hide

From judgment you know you well deserve

It’s why you smile behind your pretty veil

Praying your ugliness never comes to light

Author's Note

This is yet another written for my sister. Not a very nice one, unfortunately, but she's really frustrating me.

Reviews

[Chris Lotus]

For some reason, everytime I read one of your writes I feel like ive seen you perform at an open mic or something and I just got influenced. The imagery and the emotion reminds me some of myself and it just seems like I got that from you. You really know how to take emotional paint and happen to color an awesome picture.

[Senseless whatever]

I think the title is fine. Another good write. Emotion, sadness, anger and a pinch of bitterness from not being 'heard' Good job.

[Naomi Montana Walsh]

I can relate to this..and all I can say is it's ok to love someone from a distance and religion is sometimes used as a sheild by people , my Niece is the same way she is so unkind to her sisters and says it is because they are not GODLY..oh for the Love of God.. how does it ever make sense? I loved your words and how beautifullly it works together..even your pain is testment to how alive and human you are and I for one think someday you may count yourself lucky for being the one to feel so deeply..

[Undying Glory]

yep, this is freaking powerful work, it's really impressive. I love that last stanza, to me that's where the main force of the poem hits the reader. awesome

[Devons]

This is an excellent, and very powerful poem, portraying a situation with intense power. The words that are employed hold weight like an enormous, yet over-burdened back axle. The style of writing is very accomplished and the verses are put together with as much eloquent thought as the choice of words. Each verse is equal in potency to the last and the opening pulls the reader in with a magnetising gravitas and as though with a punch to the stomach; and using such tempestuous meteorological language as "maelstrom" (!) and "whirlwind" sets the pace and feel of this piece with a clinical immediacy. A work of of great inner force and craftsmanship. The rhythm is very good indeed.

[Miss Coral]

Beautiful imagery in a powerful piece. Another excellent job.

[Sam Severn]

Powerful, Cattie! My favorite line is "I got the bitterly frayed and stained end piece/While you got the one with pretty ribbons tied." The imagery there is stunning! ㋡

[Norma M Sutton]

The disjointedness adds to the content of the poem. You've expressed yourself well.

[little lily Bride of Ch..]

strange that you can't get a hold of your sister i can't get a hold of mine or my brother lota times seems they are always so busy working some thing my sister just had a new baby may 25th but i have always felt like the blacksheep in the family i understand your feelings here i know my sister loves me but at times i don't feel like she does so very confusing but her and i are differnet no matter how many children i had or have i still keep in touch with the ones i love even if i have a family of my own or just call to say I love you never know how long we will be here on earth . and i had a feeling she wasnt feeling well and seems i am always right i have a sense about that with ones i am connecte dto even friends. but i love this Write great write. i hope every thing goes well for you i am not sure on a title hmm?