Divided I Fall

There’s a whirlwind in my head

A frightening maelstrom of destruction

Tearing my heart and soul to pieces

Destroying sanity I barely have

 

It’s wreaking havoc in my heart

Because of all the things you did

As you sit pretty in your blinded life

False innocence cloaking your hideous face

 

As I’m fighting to keep myself from falling

Dangling by dangerously slipping fingers

You brush your hair in the mirror, smiling

Never losing a wink of blissful sleep

 

No, I take the pain for both of us

For when you left you broke our bond uneven

I got the bitterly frayed and stained end piece

While you got the one with pretty ribbons tied

 

And no one’s the wiser for you sit and hide

From judgment you know you well deserve

It’s why you smile behind your pretty veil

Praying your ugliness never comes to light

Author's Note

This is yet another written for my sister. Not a very nice one, unfortunately, but she's really frustrating me.

Reviews

[deeps]

This is amazing. I like this write alot

[Ruth]

Well, sometimes it has to be voiced hon lol
A powerful poem though and worthy of being written:)
xx

[♥(heatherawesome..]

this is so aweosme and i love it you did and awesoeme job

[Michael X]

If you can perhaps focus on one key element, shift the perspective away from the "You... I" letter scenerio... because you aren't doing your talent justice poetically this could be so much better just by shifting perspective to metaphor. because you have a talented way with words, but here I lost interest after the first stanza, because it reads like a letter and not a poem. so just consider it practice and have fun

[Jenny Nelson]

Always helps to "get it out." You did a wonderful job with description and conveyence. Actually, you did a great job as well as describing a lot of the "beautiful" people who can be "ugly as sin." Well done!

[Dupree]

i really like the wording of this, because it impacts the reader a lot - however my only critique would be that you need to change up your form a bit. otherwise; good job. - my friend Ghost agrees. And rates you at 78

[Dupree]

The message is good, the wording impacts the reader the only bad critique I have is your form could be better...

[Katie Louise Hughes]

Well it's not nice but if that is how you feel, at least you are showing it and not bottling it up. I really enjoyed the last to stanzas the best. Thanks for sharing this. :)

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

man...you really poured your heart and soul into this one. Its scary to read your poetry. It feels almost as if we know your spirit here.

[An owl on the moon]

Such a painful write.. filled with hidden hurts and powerful emotions. So sorry for what you're suffering through with your sister... So very sorry...