This Wound

When I was cut so very deep

So fast that it forgot to bleed

I barely even felt the pain

As this wound gaped up at me

 

I wondered how it could have happened

How on earth did I earn this?

And could I even continue living

While such a wound like this exists?

 

Then all at once my body shook

Shocking pain went shooting through

As crystal tears spilled down my face

Crimson red gushed through my wound

 

I didn’t know what else to do

As I collapsed and screamed and cried 

Sending urgent prayers to God

In hopes this torture would subside

 

But the pain just builds and builds

I feel it tearing me apart

And there is nothing that can heal

This wound inflicted on my heart

Author's Note

there are so many things attacking me right now i can barely even think... i realize this is probably kind of lifeless and just not very good, but thats just how it came out. if you have any [constructive] criticism, feel free to say so.

Reviews

[Norma M Sutton]

Hi Cattie,
This isn't lifeless. You got the imagery perfect and the shock. I know you are speaking of the wounds to the heart, but that is exactly what a wound from a surgically sharp knife does as well. You don't feel it until you see it gaping at you and then the blood flows and you feel the agony of the wound. It's perfect as it is. Sometimes I think we write our best when we can't think to sensor what we are writing.

[Chantel]

Good job, good write :)

[Devons]

A savage metaphorical wound, and just as intangibly painful as the real thing.
The imagery is quite alive in this poem with almost graphic detail. I think it flows pretty well and sits neatly in the mind as on the page. It is also very clear, if not clinical, in its delivery, although technically a couple verses don't quite sit well in rhyme, albeit only thrown into evidence by the verses that rhyme better..

The poem conveys what it means to say about this feeling but effectively is only saying one thing so it is quite difficult to say very much about it in terms of a review - and I suppose that's as constructive a criticism as I can find that matters.. Because overall the skill of the writing shines through..

[Crowley]

Great poem...very painful feel as it was intended. Back up and take a look at the big picture if you get a chance girl, just the fact that you are alive and writing as well as you do, and you know there are people who care, everything will take care of itself in time. Nice write, you always do a good job.

[ashley]

This is good. You did well expressing the emotions, the initial shock, the pain, and then the complete breakdown. There were a couple of flow errors, but not enough to detract from the poem. This is very well written. Great job! :D

[Liza]

great to get it all out, those stifled emotions have a way of getting themselves out - i sense a break through - a surrender and a change
great expression

[Senseless whatever]

Not lifeless at all. It flows nicely. A very good emotional release.