This Wound

When I was cut so very deep

So fast that it forgot to bleed

I barely even felt the pain

As this wound gaped up at me

 

I wondered how it could have happened

How on earth did I earn this?

And could I even continue living

While such a wound like this exists?

 

Then all at once my body shook

Shocking pain went shooting through

As crystal tears spilled down my face

Crimson red gushed through my wound

 

I didn’t know what else to do

As I collapsed and screamed and cried 

Sending urgent prayers to God

In hopes this torture would subside

 

But the pain just builds and builds

I feel it tearing me apart

And there is nothing that can heal

This wound inflicted on my heart

Author's Note

there are so many things attacking me right now i can barely even think... i realize this is probably kind of lifeless and just not very good, but thats just how it came out. if you have any [constructive] criticism, feel free to say so.

Reviews

[Norma M Sutton]

Hi Cattie,
This isn't lifeless. You got the imagery perfect and the shock. I know you are speaking of the wounds to the heart, but that is exactly what a wound from a surgically sharp knife does as well. You don't feel it until you see it gaping at you and then the blood flows and you feel the agony of the wound. It's perfect as it is. Sometimes I think we write our best when we can't think to sensor what we are writing.

[Amber "Victoriomantic" ..]

As I often say--and always mean--I hope that this allowed you some catharsis. It is terrible to have to carry around a wounded, cracked, or broken heart, especially when it seems as though there is no way to heal it. I hope that in confining this pain to paper/on the laptop that it has relinquished some of its grip on you. I wish you all the best, and hope that one day soon everything that is hurting you will also leave you be.

[WriterSki7]

Five stanzas, four lines each. It appears you want it to be an ABCB . . .
It has a nice flow to it. Nothing to be awshamed of, you did well here.

[Katie Louise Hughes]

This did have a sad feel to it, but at least you got some emotion through. Great poem, and remember- it shouldn't really matter what others have to say about your work. As long as you are expressing yourself, then that is all that matters. Thank you for sharing this. :)

[R.S. Wilder]

About the poem - the detail was excellent (as usual). The emotions flowing through each line flowed - and the play of words complimented that flow so that there were no breaks, no confusing or other passing emotions. I sensed anger, and of course pain.
This is an unusual write for you; dark and slightly goth.
Are you okay???

[Ruth]

Its not easy to adjust to change, moving on. Its not easy to guard the heart, but there is always light in darkness, this is wonderful!
xx

[Tinasha LaRayé]

WOW WOW WOW! This is SO full of life - and pain! The first stanza grabbed me the second my eyes saw the letters....POWERFUL! I loved the flow of this - the imagery you've created certainly gives me a graphic picture of your pain. I'm sorry you are going through so much right now....stay positive, this too shall pass.

On the writing constructive side - the 3rd stanza might work well without the "as" in the second line - since you are not using any punctuation. The flow for the reader will be smoother because it sets up the emotion without hiccuping to figure out what the flow would be if a comma were there.

Excellent write ~ keep ur chin up...

[Kat Plunkett]

I agree with little lily bride.. very deep and emotional. Some wounds will never heal and some of them can only be healed by the ones who caused them.. Good poem

[Coyote Poetry]

Some wounds are not able to heal. I learn the hard way to say nothing negative. The bad and disappointing words never leave the heart. The poem is powerful and you told a true story. We may go forward with more wisdom but the pain of disappointment will stay with us. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Vitcky Walker]

a touching one Angela.....a tortured soul but you convey it so nice....

[little lily Bride of Ch..]

beautiful write very deep