Natasha

for my dear sister...

Those days are far behind us now

The days of me and you

When I cried upon your shoulder

You said you’d keep me from feeling blue

 

And every day you were here, you did

Filled my days with laughter and love

My better, stronger half you were

We just fit   like a hand in a glove

 

You took the lead and pulled me along

When my feet dragged in the dirt

We’d sit and chat till the sun would set

Love built like this could never hurt

 

I came to you with everything

My heart and soul worn on my sleeve

But when I faced my greatest trial

You felt it best for you to leave

 

Tears sting my eyes as I write these words

My heart aches for you so

I think about you every day

How much you’ll never know

 

I don’t know where you are these days

You choose not to come near

But my love for you has never waned

And I wish that you were here

 

Author's Note

Nothing much to say. Try not to be too harsh, this really did come from the bottom of my heart... I know she'll never read it, but I just had to express what was consuming me.

Reviews

[Taylor H.]

I can believe that you truly mean this. This was a beautiful poem.

[Norma M Sutton]

I stumbled in a couple of places early on, but it's a good write.

[Coyote Poetry]

A sad and beautiful poem. We need and miss people. Sometime I wish I could go back in time and thank the people who were kind to me. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Ruth]

Nostalgic and yet hurt too
This is wonderfully put together
A memory or two locked with regret
Wonderful write
xx

[carmz]

the emotions are mixed
just like remenicing a memory
sometimes it makes us cry and sometimes it makes us laugh

[MattVoscinar]

First, I'm going to say I know what you're trying to say, and that I've been there. I'm going to try and detach myself from that emotional standpoint so that I can give you a critical review.

"Those days are far behind us now
The days of me and you
When I cried upon your shoulder
You said you’d stop me feeling blue"

The start of this poem isn't anything exceptional, but it gets the point across. It tells me what I need to know and the connection between the narrator and whoever "you" is. However, I'd be weary of trying to rhyme. The you/blue has been done before excessively and it did cause the last line of the stanza to read awkwardly.

"You said you’d stop me feeling blue" is a bit awkward when you're trying to read and makes you stop. Perhaps "stop me from feeling" would fix it.

Try and stay away from cliche references when doing poetry on love. They stick out a lot. EX:

"We just fit- like a hand in a glove"
"My heart and soul worn on my sleeve"

I tried my best not to be harsh, but because there are so many poems like this there, one must take the initiative to try or do something different. I don't think this was a bad poem per say, but I believe if you tweak it a bit, it'll be leaps and bounds ahead of where it is now. I hope your heart is healing.

Cheers.

[J.M. Barrett]

Very sweet and very sad.
It always seems that people you really count on end up leaving when you need them the most, unfortunately. I have been in a similar place, though I can't imagine how you feel. :[

I like how you introduced what the poem was about in the first two lines and then sort of flashed back to before the split. It was effective and I like the imagery of how it was before and how it was after.

Very nice.

[Jenny Nelson]

Very heartfelt and emotional. Well done. Great job of poetically expressing your feelings.

[Katie Louise Hughes]

This was maturely written, and clearly written from the heart like you said. Great write, easy for me to relate to also. :)

[PaperHearts]

Wow... It always amazes me how effortlessly and free you write, even with the rhyming. This poem really struck a nerve with me, because I don't see my older sister a whole lot, and it's only recently that I've realised how much I miss her. The last stanza seemed to sum up everything perfectly. Well written,
~PaperHearts