Walk With Her

She trudged along the sidewalk
Dusty feet and broken smile
On her back a load of burdens
Stacked nigh twenty miles high

She's passed so many people
Who stare at her with such disdain
Some click their tongues in pity
Yet the leave her in the rain

She tries to hold her head up high
Stumbling down this old cracked road
She longs to see a friendly smile
But she's forced to walk alone

Exhausted now, she sits to rest
She lays her burden down
People rush to swarm around her
Full of anger they gather round

"Just who do you think you are?" they shout
"You get no time to rest!
The very last thing that you deserve
Is peace and happiness!"

With teary eyes and broken heart
She stands up to face her trial
Wishing someone out there cared enough
To simply walk with her awhile

Author's Note

I wrote this last night when I was half asleep. Literally. So take it easy :)

Reviews

[Crowley]

and we shall call it...Unloading. Just a suggestion. This is wonderful. Great description of bearing a load that we may or may not hae made for ourselves. So much of this life is about trying to throw off the load, and so many try to stop us. Great write.

[Ruth]

Excellent hon
Makes the reader dwell upon the imagery
Great poem
Powerfully so!
xx

[Norma M Sutton]

You wrote this half asleep???? I don't think it needs anything done to it. Very GOOD writing.

[Devons]

I think whoever this person is should be linked with the title in order to leave a friendly clue as to where you wish the readers thoughts to linger - and in what world... Imagined or real.. Metaphor or event.. ?

It is again a skilfully written poem and enigmatic in style. I take it as it is in terms of a metaphor for the existence of the struggling human within the rat race; pathos for its unattended misery. For instance:-

" "Just who do you think you are?" they shout
"You get no time to rest!
The very last thing that you deserve
Is peace and happiness!" "

...I think these lines are crucial and indicative of this struggle... and the callousness of the masses, who relate not to their fellow man..

Nicely-expressed and -dare i repeat the cliche- 'thought-provoking'..!

[Taylor H.]

this is really good :)

[Michael X]

you have an awsome way of weaving a storyline withing your poems, it lets the reader know the indemnity bewteen the heart and its suffering.
excellent job, keep it up!