Squirrels darted out of the way as the girl ran through the
forest.She threw branches aside,
knocking spiders and inchworms off balance as they wondered what was
wrong.She was usually such a peaceable
girl.Sad, but peaceable.Not today.Today she ran as fast as she could to the clearing, not caring what was
in her way.
The oaks opened their arms as the girl they’d come to call
their own flung herself into the clear open space and buried her face in the
lush grass, drenching it with her tears.As if a silent command was given, they spread their thick branches,
weaving them into a dark green curtain.They knew she would want to be alone.Their leaves rustled in worried anxiety as they watched her frail body
shake, contorting with each gut-wrenching cry.
They didn’t know where the girl had come from, but from the
day she first wandered into the clearing they taught her everything nature had
to offer.They rocked her to sleep in
their leafy branches, humming the secrets of the world into her dreams.But as she grew, the child that they knew
slowly began to disappear.She no longer
danced with the golden butterflies or sang along with the warblers and the
finch.She came running to the clearing
every night, begging for the comfort that nature brought as her tears turned
the warm brown dirt to mud.
Today was the worst.The sky darkened as she continued to cry releasing the stories of her
life through her tears.Friends who’d
loved and abandoned her.A mother who
hated everything about her.A boy,
handsome, but he didn’t understand.No
one understood their girl.As hard as
she tried, nothing seemed to work out.They
rustled their leaves in discontent.
They watched, helplessly, as the rain began to pour.She lifted her face, allowing the angry drops
to sting her skin.She wanted to give up.She wanted to allow the only thing that ever
comforted her, to take her into its arms forever.She pleaded silently for the rain to wash her
away, but it only came crashing down harder.With a shrilling scream, she flung herself into the nearest tree banging
her fists against its unrelenting bark.The thunder roared, drowning out her cries.She couldn’t take it anymore.
She wouldn’t.
Sinking to the ground, she leaned her head against the oak’s
hollow trunk.She closed her eyes,
allowing the violent rain to pound into her skin as she gave in to the madness
that was her life.
"as she gave in to the madness that was her life" That kind of says a lot to many folks in many different ways. You can either "go with the flow" or "rage against the machine," but you've got to always be working it out, hoping for a little bit of sanity here and there.
You presented a great little piece here. Nice job.
This is a great little piece you have here. I enjoyed the personification of the forest around the girl. If I can point out one thing, however. There seems to be a few mistakes and confusions in word choice denoting the girl, the forest and the outside world. At times, I was a bit confused of who you were talking about and had to reread the sentence.
For example:
"The oaks opened their arms as the girl they’d come to call their own flung herself into the clear open space and buried her face in the lush grass, drenching it with their tears."
Their tears? Or her tears? This was the one mistake that stood out the most. Anyway, I'd say go through and clean it up a little. Other than that, great work with your imagery and wording.
Hiya Cattie,
Great story. The young girl finds solace in her friend in the forest, the oak trees. They don't judge her or lecture, they just listen and support her, even when the rain pours and the girl pounds her fists into their trunks in anguish.
Great setting and storyline, not one type-o, however I would have liked to have gotten more description of the girl's attributes and some explanation on why she was so upset, and perhaps a tad more on what the forest was like for and aside from the trees; but that's jus me.
As was said before your writing is poetic, dreamlike, and very appealing in its intrinsic beauty. Keep it up! BZ
Great story! I could see the trees, the girl and the rain. I like the representation of the trees as conscious beings. If there were more to your story I would read on, this is very good.
Ohhhh...I think you and everyone else knows where this came from. Nice writing girl, the description was fantastic and the story was just the right length to get across the feeling of frustration. Way to go.
I am lots of things, but here you'd identify most with the writer and avid reader. I have three beautiful children. The oldest boy, Seth, passed last year after fighting a long battle with cancer. .. more..