War Of The Night (part 1)

Night falls and she's back against the wall

Her fingers grip the edge of her bed

Eyes shut tight she tries to control

The thoughts swirling round her head

 

They’re a dark and raging maelstrom

A mind-numbing legion of bees

They drown out everything around her

Hiding the light with ease

 

Its darkest just before the dawn

But the sun declines to rise

These thoughts, these feelings hold her fast

They’re plotting her demise

 

‘Nothing you can do!’ the darkness screams

As it stretches out its claws

Pulling her tight in its cold embrace

The light in her withdraws

 

Her heart pounds harder against her chest

She works for every breath

The darkness brings her to her knees

Her hand flies to her chest

 

‘Leave me alone!’ she wants to scream

But the words refuse to come

The thoughts of the night have stolen her breath

They leave her cold and numb

 

She fights to maintain control of her mind

To keep the light from dying

‘There’s always hope,’ she reminds herself

But in her heart she knows she’s lying

Author's Note

This poem is finished and yet unfinished. Its finished because that's all I could write. Unfinished, because I couldn't decide whether she and the light win or if the darkness wins. Its hard to put the end result into a poem like this because then its set in stone when in reality it changes every night. Again, I didn't quite mean for it to rhyme.. it just decided it wanted to and I couldn't get it to become free verse.
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Okay, I added a second part to this. You can find it underneath my writings.

Reviews

[Chris Lotus]

Quite suspenseful and seat-edging!! From the title to the end of the piece it just catches and keeps youre attention. I like story/chronicle-poems (ive done one called Dark Winter Night, which hasnt gotten much because I split it into 5 parts). You took the right road with this piece. If I could make a suggestion, perhaps to solve the problem mentioned in your Authors note, why not try two versions. One with the light winning, the other with the dark winning. If you are able, pick one over the other. If you cant, it should be ok...even some movies, plays, etc. have alternate endings. Do what you want to, m just kinda anxious to see how this would sound with either ending. Incredible write! Im dubbing this a favorite and a classic!

[Undying Glory]

it's finished as it is, methinks. man this is brilliant work, the epic struggle really had me hanging on to every last word. maybe you could flesh it out a little more

[Ruth]

That struggle is what makes it interesting! Good poem xx

[Tina Kline]

It sounds like struggles of someone who is afraid they are losing their mind or going mad. To me that would be serious darkness and a struggle a person would feel they were losing no matter how hard they tried to convince themselves otherwise. Nicely done, it flows perfectly to me.

[Dev]

‘There’s always hope,’ she reminds herself
But in her heart she knows she’s lying

One of your best write !! I am no sucker for happy endings but for the sake of the girl I hope the light wins

[ashley]

This is amazing. One of your best, definitely. Fantastic.

[Doreen]

This is incredible. I love this! The rhyme and meter are perfect, and the feelings that come from this are powerful. Very well written. You say it's unfinished, but I love this the way it is. Kudos!
(‘Leave me alone!’ she want to scream - should be wants.)

[Norma M Sutton]

Very nice. I think it is finished as it is. Each ready will decide on the final outcome. That is unique in itself.

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I thought it was good. I really liked it. Don't change a thing. Thanks for sharing. :)