Summer (excerpt 4)

after Summer barely escapes from her mothers house

                Twirling his keys on his finger, the man whistled to his dog.  It’d been a long day at work.  It was one of the first hot days of the year and driving construction machinery in the heat was incredibly tedious.  At least it was the end of the week.  He couldn’t wait to get home to his wife and newborn daughter.  Unscrewing the top of his water bottle, he took a long drink, relishing the cool liquid as it coursed down his throat, and waited for the coworker he was supposed to be giving a ride home to finish up.

                Glancing up, he looked towards the woods as his hound started to growl.

                “No one’s there, Sugar,” he said.  “Calm down.”

                The dog paid him no attention.  Her growl deepened.

                “Hey, I’ll be there in a second, Mark!” his friend yelled across the field. 

                He waved back in an indication that he heard.  He started to sit down on the fat log they’d been using as a bench, when he saw a girl burst suddenly out of the woods.  She looked around wildly as she caught her breath, her eyes wide with fear.  Sugar began barking wildly as she approached the construction site. 

                Mark stood up and called the dog to him.  “Are you okay?” he called.  She looked young, maybe between sixteen and eighteen, her dark curly hair was decorated with leaves and twigs from running through the forest, and she looked frightened.

                “Please,” she began, “do you have a phone I could use?”

                “Of course.”  Mark dug through his pocket to retrieve the beat up cellular phone and handed it to her.  “Are you okay?  Do you need help?”

                The girl didn’t answer.  He watched her fingers shake violently as she dialed in the number.  Her whole body was trembling, for that matter.  She was covered in bruises that looked like they were either just developing or fading.  He guessed the former, based on her dramatic entrance. 

                “Oh my god, Kaelas…” she gasped.

                Mark stepped back to give her a little privacy as she sobbed into the phone.  He scratched his head, wondering what he should do.  What would he want someone to do if they came across his baby girl looking like this?  He didn’t know what happened, but it didn’t look good.  She looked like she was running away, but she didn’t have anything with her.  Had she gotten lost?  Maybe she was attacked walking down the street and barely escaped. 

                Mark shook his head.  Calling his dog over, he stroked her fur to keep himself from listening in on her conversation, but his attention kept drifting to her voice.

                “I’m calling from some guy’s phone,” she continued.  “She... She just came f-flying at me and… hitting me…and… I… she…” Her voice quivered as she tried to hold back tears.  “Kaelas, please…”

                She cradled her head in her hands, apparently listening while whoever she was talking to spoke.

                “I’m on some… construction site,” she said.  “But my mother saw me leave!  I can’t stay here.  What if she comes after me again?”

                Her mother did this to her? he thought.  How is that even possible?

                The girl nodded several times as if the person on the phone could see her.  “Um… I’m not sure exactly where I am… I just ran… I wouldn’t be able to tell you how to get here.”

                Mark held up a finger.  “If I may,” he interjected. “We’re right on the corner of Patterson and Chatham Highway.  If you’re coming from the north it’ll be on the right.  From the other way, it’s on the left.  Tell them its right next to a gas station and a little father down is an apartment complex.”

                “Thank you,” she said. 

                She looked up at him and smiled, but he could still see the pain in her eyes.  He listened as she repeated his directions.

                “Please get here soon,” she said softly.  Closing her eyes, she sighed and closed the phone. 

                Mark walked over as she pushed herself up to stand.  “Just sit until your ride gets here,” he said as he took the phone from her hand.  “Do you want some water or anything?”

                “No, I’m okay.  Thank you.”  She sat back down and rested her head on her knees.  Her curly black hair tumbled down shading her face like a veil. 

                Mark’s mind was bursting with thought as he watched the girl.  He felt as though he should be doing something, but he didn't know what.  A little girl should be taken care of, not hurt.  How could a parent do something like this to their child?  His hands clenched and unclenched in frustration as he forced himself to stay calm.  He held the image of his baby girl tight in his mind.  God help the person who ever hurt his daughter.  He shook his head.  He only wished this little girl had someone who felt as strongly for her.  He watched as she sat there, sobbing into her lap.  She stayed curled up in that position for the next five minutes.  Her only movement was the slight rising and falling of her chest as she breathed.  Her eyes were closed, her arms wrapped around her body as if she were holding the pieces of herself together.  She didn’t look up as the car he assumed was her ride pulled in lot.  The driver, a middle-aged woman, parked not five feet away and a young man jumped out and ran to the girl’s side. 

                “Summer!” he called.  He wrapped an arm around her and lifted her chin, peering into her unresponsive face.  Brushing her cheek with his hand, he winced as if the wounds he saw on her had somehow been inflicted on his heart.

                “Sweetie,” he whispered.  “Come on, let’s get you home.”

                The girl slowly peeked up at him through her eyelashes.  “I’m sorry,” she breathed.  “I didn’t mean to cause trouble.”

                “Don’t apologize.  You didn’t do anything.  Can you stand up?”

                “Yes.”  Grimacing at the sunlight, she pushed herself up.  She stood still for a moment, before her eyes closed and her knees gave way beneath her.

                “Whoa,” Mark said. 

                “Careful,” her friend said at the same time.  He quickly scooped her up in his arms and shook his head.

                “I’m sorry…” she said again.

                “Hush.”  Looking over towards Mark, the girl’s rescuer nodded his head.  “Thanks for letting her use your phone.  I’m Kaelas, by the way.”

                “I’m Mark and it’s no problem.  I would hope someone do the same if that was my girl.”

                Kaelas nodded.  “Take care.” 

                Cradling her gently against his chest, he carried her to the car and waited as the woman in the driver’s seat leaned over and opened the door.  She slid the seat forward making room for him to lay the girl down in the back.  Kaelas climbed in next and carefully rested her head on his lap and closed the door behind him. 

                Mark watched as they drove slowly on the bumpy dirt road and then sped off into the distance.  Shaking his head, he looked over to where his friend waited, his elbows propped up against the hood of his car.

                “What was that all about?” he asked.

                “I have no idea,” Mark responded.  “But I hope everything works out.”

Author's Note

If you haven't realized yet, I'm only posting excerpts. This comes after the first two scenes I posted when Summer escapes from her mother's house. If there's anything you don't understand, let me know and I'll fill you in. Unsure as to whether I want to put the whole thing on here as a book or not, yet. Anyhow, let me know what you think and any constructive criticism you may have.

Reviews

[Ashley Black]

it's really really good :) i love it so far and think you are an amazing writer

[Elvina CZq]

You blend in the moment of suspend from a third person just about fine. What I mean is that, you've put an audience there without abandoning the point of view from the audience, and of course, without putting out the main characters. You just blend all of them well into one scene. It's not that easy though to write like this. A writer's mind simply need to be creative and patience to make out a picture and turns it into a page of words. Keep on writing, and will look forward for the whole story :)

[Ruth]

Really good dialogue:) Good piece xx

[Frantzuu]

wow!! I had a lot of fun reading this, awesome write very intersting :D

[Tina Kline]

Great job. Excellent dialogue, I'm left with wanting more of the story!

[The Analog Kid]

Very nice dialogue and description.

[mcg03002]

I want to read the whole thing too! I've enjoyed this excerpt twice since you put it up. Each time I began reviewing it and was pulled away from it by work. Cattie, this is great storytelling. It's descriptive, entertaining, and not one section drags. Your dialogue is spot on and feels so natural. You have the ability to write as accomplished novelists do, in my opinion.
"...as if the wounds he saw on her had been somehow inflicted on his heart..." I LOVE that line. SO SO SO creative and, exactly what the suffering of seeing such a thing feels like. The only suggestion I have is related to that line 'cause I was so touched by it. What if you added the words "in equal measure"? Like this: "...as if the wounds he saw on her had somehow been inflicted in equal measure on his heart..."

[Jessica Mai]

Please post the whole thing on!! I really want to read the whole thing. Awesomely written. I like how this scene started in another person's point of view rather than the main character. Well done !

[Jibey]

Well written... and intriguing

[Sseoni]

Nice chapter! It had great imagery and really kept me interested! I can't wait to read more! :D