Summer (excerpt 1)

an excerpt from a short novel of mine

     “What is your problem?”  Mariana demanded as her daughter entered the room.
     “Wha"What?” Summer stammered. She stole a glance at her mother’s face. 
     “You stole my jacket.”
     “You said I could borrow it, remember?”
     “Yeah, for one night and I haven’t seen it since!”
     “It’s in your closet, mom. I put it back when I got home that night.”
     “I didn’t see it there.”
     “You haven’t looked!”
     The look on Mariana’s face was enough to tell Summer that she’d pushed too far, said too much… again. Her mother advanced towards her and she quickly moved back, cowering on the other side of the table. Every step her mother took around it, Summer took another one back. It was an angry dance. Predator and prey.   The problem with that was that the prey rarely won the fight.
     “Stop moving and talk to me!” Mariana ordered.
     Tears welled up in Summer’s eyes. She opened her mouth, but the words were stuck like cotton balls, suffocating the words she so desperately needed to get out.  She was suddenly parched, a barren desert when she needed an oasis.   “The jacket… It’s in there…. It’s…”
     Her eyes widened in fear as her mother made a quick lunge around the side of the table towards her daughter.

     “Don’t touch me!” she shrieked.
     To her surprise, Mariana stopped short. She looked at her daughter, the corner of her lip twitching the way it did when she was about to snap. “What did you say?” she said slowly.
     Summer’s voice was much meeker this time. “I’m sorry…”
     “What?” she said louder. She took another step towards Summer.
     “I said I’m sorry!” she cried. “I just didn’t want you to hit me!”
     That was the straw that broke her mothers back. She unleashed her rage like a lioness against a wounded deer.  Cursing, she lunged across the table.
     Summer screamed and bolted, running towards the front door. From the corner of her eye, she saw her brothers watching curiously from the living room.  But this was commonplace for them and they turned back to the cartoons that flashed across the screen as if nothing was happening.  Her mother hot on her heels, she fumbled with the doorknob, flung it open, and stepped over the threshold.
     Her mother laughed.  “You really are an idiot,” she said as she slammed the door behind her. She heard the lock click into place as her mother yelled through the closed door “Don’t come back!”
     Summer bit her lip nervously as she looked around. She hesitated for a moment as she tried to discern the truth in Mariana’s words.  Was she really being put out?  Knocking on the door, she waited half-heartedly for some kind of response, but it didn’t re-open.  It stared forebodingly back at her, pitiless and unyielding. Her mother was serious.

     Taking a shuddery breath, she took off towards her friend’s house.  Her heart pounded in her chest keeping time with her feet as the struck the cold pavement that seemed to stretch on forever.  She ran as if she were in a trance; aware that she was moving, but no longer conscious of how one foot managed to place itself after the other.  Her eyes stung in the icy air as she tried to hold back the tears that threatened to flow down her cheeks.

     “Lenora!” she called as she tapped on the door.
     No answer.

     Come on, she thought.  Please be home.
     She knocked again, anxious and desperate.  She pressed her ear to the door hoping she would hear the inviting sounds of footsteps, but no one was there. She was alone. All alone outside in the pouring rain wearing nothing but a t-shirt, jeans, and a thin pair of socks.  So now what? she wondered.  She started to panic as the heavy reality of her situation settled over her.   There was no one to let her in out of the rain… and worse, no one who even cared. The frigid rain and bitter wind were her only company.  She wrinkled her nose trying frantically not to cry, but the tears came anyway, flooding down her cheeks to blend in with the cool rain.
     Summer jammed her hands in her pockets and felt something hard; her phone. She sighed as she remembered Kaelas trying to convince her to come with them. She wished with all of her heart that she had listened. Flipping the phone open, she scrolled down.
     “Oh,” she said as she flipped past Devon’s name. She knew he’d be furious if she called someone else before him. “I’m your boyfriend” she knew he’d say. “You should be calling me first for everything.” She didn’t think she could stand making one more enemy at this point.  She pressed the call button.
     “Hello?” He answered on the first ring.
     “Hey…” she said cautiously. She twirled her wet hair around her finger.  “You haven’t talked to my mom, have you?”
     “No, why?”
     Bouncing in place, she fought to keep herself warm as spoke. “She just kicked me out.”
     “Ugh,” Devon spat. “What did you do?”
     Summer immediately got defensive. “I didn’t do anything!”
     She could hear the skepticism in Devon’s voice. “If you hadn’t done anything she wouldn’t have kicked you out. Go back and apologize.”
     His accusation made the tears start to flow again. “Apologize for what? Did you not hear me? I didn’t do anything to apologize for!”
     Summer heard the phone beep in her ear and pulled it away, glancing at the display to see who was calling. Her heart jumped when she saw Kaelas’ name flashing beneath the raindrops on the screen and couldn’t help but smile, her rigid body relaxing a bit. “Someone’s calling. I have to go.”
     “Summer, don’t"”
     “Kaelas?” her voice shook as she clicked over. She sank to her knees on the wet concrete and sobbed into the phone.
     “Whoa,” Kaelas said, startled. “What’s the matter, love? Are you okay?”
     “Kaelas…” She paused, choking on her words.
     “Do you need us to come back and get you?”
     “She… She locked the door. She won’t let me come back. It’s raining and I’m not wearing any shoes,” she rambled. “Lenora’s not home so I’m outside. I called Devon but he just yelled at me. And it’s c-cold.”

Author's Note

This story actually has quite a bit more to it, but I didn't want to post way too much. Interested to see what you think of the flow of words and its ability to engage the reader.

Reviews

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

This is going to be a good story. I can tell. I liked the beginning. It was nicely written. I love reading things you write. Can't wait to read more. Thanks for sharing. :)

[ashley]

Oh my god, I love this story! It's fantastic. Your characters are so well-developed and it makes me angry every time I read it. Brilliant writing, I'd love to read more.

[Miss Coral]

Emotional, grabbing, and genuine. These characters are already real, the dialog is absolutely natural, the situation believable... the only thing I would change would be the amount of description. I looved the descriptions that you had, and almost wished there was more. Overall, wonderful wonderful wonderful piece. Excellent job. I'm looking forward to reading more.

[Senseless whatever]

Definitely engaging. The flow is good and the story moves along quickly. I know of several that can relate closely to this. Good write.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

I loved this story. It was full of emotion and the scenery just engulfed my mind. My favorite thing about this chapter is the scenes you go through. There is no ice, bundles of cash, Guns, explosions, girls in bikinis or any of that fluff stuff. This is just 100% beautiful story telling. You could make one of the most compelling plays with only a few sets. I am a fan of the pure character driven dramas. I would like to see more movies like *12 Angry Men.* I am still pretty shocked at how you can transition from such abstract ideas to such realistic story telling. I really think this would make a great Noir Comic. Black and White with heavy water colors effects. I could see it all go through my mind.

[Elvina CZq]

"It was an angry dance." How brilliant you've come up with that words. Like it! Okay... so, will there be more? Because I just realised I bit my nails when I was reading it. If I bite my nails whenever I read a story, it means the story is more than better :) Let me know if you have more :) will be waiting.

[James Watts]

I think it is a well written piece. Bravo.

[Ashley Black]

i think this is really good although now im upset cause it's quite the teaser i want to know what happens lol =P