The Sun and the Moon- Old Published Version and New Version

When I was in third grade, I barely knew any english, but still wanted to enter the nationwide contest to get my poem published. I didn't win first prize, but I still managed to have my poem included in the book. Now, I re-wrote this poem, for it is quit

Old Published Version From Third Grade

 

The sun is nice today,

But not everyday.

So he must work

Very hard each day.

The moon can help him

When the night is coming.

The moon replaces the sun

When it is late.

 

New Version From Today

 

The sun shines brightly today

Reflecting the harmony of this world

Although not all is perfect.

Souls are assassinated from pure hatred

The face of truth has been soiled

Respect has evaporated into thin air.

Rare are the hideouts of peace,

For the world aims for what is easy

And not for what will cleanse their spirit.

 

But pure is the harmony that links

The sun and the moon,

For the sun's burning passion of the world

Is balanced with the cold, serene grace

Of the moon's unconditional love.

Twins in mind,

Yet as different as could possibly be,

The sun and the moon

Share one devotion;

To brighten the world's black heart.

 

Their unbroken link merges them

Into one being, yet two existing bodies

And forever the sun will burn in the day's sky

While the moon will gracefully light the night

Hoping to lighten the world

Just a little more every passing hour.

 

Author's Note

The first poem was written six years ago, the other one was spontanious.

Reviews

[An owl on the moon]

So amazing to see the contrast! Glad you put them both up. The first is so sweet and soft. Your second flows into a deep maturity, still holding onto the essence of the first but reaching into a world of light and darkness, good and evil, love and hate. So profound and perfect... Amazing to see your writing grow so vast!

Craig

[Edmond Dantes]

wow! okay. the revision is OUTSTANDING! & what I think happened was since the 3rd grade "your Mind" knew it wasn't where you felt it should be & so you've finally come back to it "your template" to guide you to its present form. great work. The Sun and the Moon--what great subjects! I think I have my moon poem called La Luna--but if not will post and send to you.

[Poeticpiers]

Certainly a much more mature piece of writing Expressed free form poetic prose Keep on progressing