If It's (not) Love

How do we know?

If it’s not love,

Then how do you describe

This fluttering that

Radiates throughout my whole

Body.

 

If it’s not love,

Then what’s this thought

That never leaves my mind,

No matter what I’m

Doing.

 

If it’s not love,

Then why does my smile

Seem to be painted on my face

Until he says the dreaded word

Goodbye.

 

If it’s not love,

Then who else in the world

Can make me feel light headed

Yet so grounded at the exact same

Time?

 

If it’s not love,

Then when does this feeling pass,

Because it feels everlasting,

But the thing is, I want it to last

Forever.

 

If it’s not love,

Then love doesn’t exist,

Because the high I feel

Is so shocking, I’m addicted to it.

 

Addicted to him.  

Reviews

[Lorraine]

I think it'll work well with a tune. I really imagine this as one of those sad love songs played over and over again in the radio. The short and carefree line cuts, sometimes become a little off. But even so, the total appeal of this poem still remains strong and intense.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[The Perfectionist]

I'm always impressed when people actually go for some type of poetic structure, and this is no exception. I just wish it made sense.

As you would expect from someone that calls himself a perfectionist, I'm a grammar Nazi. And just because you're writing a poem doesn't mean you're excused from writing good English.

Your problem is that the form you've chosen doesn't work with the words you've chosen to stick there. Well, not always.

The fact is that whether you want there to be or not, every time you start a new line, the reader naturally puts a pause in between the two. This means that the two lines should be separate sentences or at least separate clauses. Sadly, that doesn't happen in several of your stanzas.

In your first, second, and fourth stanzas, the line that ends the stanza really belongs at the end of the previous line. You can easily recognize this by the fact that the second-last line just sounds wrong if you read it by itself:

'Radiates throughout my whole'
'No matter what I'm'
'Yet so grounded at the same'

Lines in poetry need to be complete. They don't need to be sentences, but they do need to have a complete idea. None of those are (well, okay, you could argue the first, but not the other two).

I really like what you've done here, despite this rather long complaint, but I do really suggest that you reword some of these stanzas so that the words fit with the form you've chosen.

[Chantel]

Amazing, beautiful! :) Very good writing!

[Jeff Bresee]

Very nice.

[JenLyn]

Nice write my favorite stanza was "if it's not love then who else in the world can make me feel light headed yet so grounded at the same exact time?" Keep it up! :)

[GunMetal]

Ah, the feeling of love being compared to addiction, is something I've tried to write, but cannot pull off no matter how true it feels. You, however, did not do a bad job with it. The repetition works for this. Each stanza had a purpose, and each feeling expressed was relate-able. Very simple, but good nonetheless.

[A.Lee]

This is really good. I like the way you repeated "If it's not love, then..." Great write.

[deeps]

Oh Wow! This is so amazing and ever so heart tugging.
I love this it's beautiful.