no more

short poem

There lies mighty rage

in these innocent hearts,

who try to forget the torment,

though they weren't those harmed.*

The pain still fresh in their minds,

the blood stream not yet dried,

taken advantage of, horror for trust,

in one single quest ''for faith to be crushed''.

They'll stand united,

if that is what must,*

for they remember the names,

of those who were lost.

Author's Note

*those (that were) harmed, if that is what must (be)

Reviews

[emipoemi]

You have a mystic quality to your verse that's absolutely riveting when read. You weave your musicality really well, and your sound work really packs the extra punch. To answer your grammar questions, neither one should be tampered with, because the musicality is too golden to sustain any more words on those lines. BUT, even though #1 (the line about "harmed") is actually grammatically correct without the "that were", the fact you have "those who were lost" at the end makes the lack of "that were" in the "harmed" line a bit jarring. My suggestion: "though they were not harmed". #2 needs the "be", but the sound work is beautiful if the line ends on "must", and given that the musicality shouldn't be tampered with here either, my suggestion: "If that be a must" (OR: "if that is a must").

That last line really put the cherry on top of this gem of a poem. Well done!!

[A Bohemian Woman]

Oh thank you so much, but I didn't mean it like that ... the "stars" were meant to be there only for an explanation If somoeone didn't understand it from the context.. yeah I don't mean to change the poem :-) thank you though and I am so sorry for the misunderstanding! :)

I am so glad that you enjoy it, it makes my day a bit better :)

[emipoemi]

my pleasure