For Lily

Inspired by the main characters from my latest novel-in-progress.

It began when I saw her
though at the time
I knew it not -
my attention was fixed
in that moment
for then and eternity
upon her who stood before me

My prior purpose
my previous aim
steps upon a path
laid through the years:
washed away and
without my knowledge
I began to change

Her song took me places
I had never thought to go
carried on a voice
sweeter than honey
more intoxicating than wine
and the more I heard
the more I craved

We sat across one from another
and I looked into eyes
bright and green
the perfume of her hair
the smile like dawn
drew forth that question
I had no choice but to ask

Be mine, I said, and the world
hung by a thread, frozen
in that endless moment
until at last
mere seconds later
she finally said yes
and I could breathe again

Reviews

[Lyanth]

I've seen very many times this moment play out. The entrancement of the moment, the question spoken, the nervousness leading up to the pinnacle of anxiety and finally the much anticipated answer. Seal the deal. Sadly it too often doesn't remain forever. Very well written.

[MomzillaNC]

Lovely. But, I think you could drop the second stanza. The third is more focused and more resonant. 🙂

[billyjf]

I like the proposal scene as well as its transition to a suspenseful atmosphere. I felt stanza 3 was redundantly the same as stanza 2, but that stanza 3 was better at figuratively depicting your "change."