The Last Dream

A girl who's from a small town dreams of being out in the big wide world, living in usa. Her dream is to become a professional crime investigator. she fights through rough times like learning to cope with her brothers suicide, he was her only inspiration to follow her dreams since he died, she gave up hope, as her parents grieving resulted in not believing in her. One day she meets a lonely old man who inspires her again and helps her. She finally makes it into the profession she dreams of. After a year of living the dream her parents call her..and apoligize for everything, they realise they waqnt to be involved with their daughter. after a long call they arrange to be on the next flight to usam, flight 146 at 15.00 and arrive to her the following morning. That evening she's on the job and turns out it's a disaster on flight 146. As it's her jop she has to work on it, knowing her parents are on there she breaks down mid job. Turns out her parents missed their flight and will see her tomorrow :)

Reviews

[Evanescence1993]

thanks everyone for all the reviews. Haven't bee on here in so long!

[OceanTropic]

Its cute :D You should make this a short story, it would make for an interesting one.

[Voice11]

wow. This sounds more like a telling from someone close to the girl or the girl herself telling it in third person. I like it. This could definitely be made into a good lengthy short story. just add more details and background.

[Havatara]

I liked the story and the twist at the end. It was kind of short for what you wanted to do with it, so maybe go into detail a little bit. Also, it needs to be edited. There are some typos and some run-on sentences, but other than that it's a good story. Keep writing!

[Joshua Donahue]

it's short and has a nice theme. but the story is kind of inconsistent. you should edit it a little bit.

[The Old Ashes]

I agree with Nydia- it sounds like a bunch of ideas. Brainstorming. You could turn it into a really good short story, a small series of short stories perhaps. I could imagine it being an excellent novel or movie someday.
But right now it's just really choppy, if it is intended to be an actual write, there's too many ideas jammed. It's not really written, sentence structure, fluency, it's ideas- sentences of what happens jammed in to one big thing.
Drag it out, describe whats happening, don't just tell us like you're summing it up.

Great work though. Awesome ideas. Keep building this one- it's got a lot of potential.
90/100
-Ashes

[Haeshin]

It might sound incoherent, but my impression of the story goes:
Huh? Huh? Then, at the end: XD (there's not really a word for it)

[Jennika has a short att..]

I expected it to end in a disaster, oops(:

[Dakota]

It sory of jumps all over the place. Is it a free write or is it an idea session perhaps?

[Huggy Bear]

Great short story:)