~saccaharin aftetaste

Your eyes lied to me as you lingered

decomposing within your own dark

 

I believe you wanted to believe your own words

  perhaps you even did, , for a moment

             … from moment to moment

 

I laid my twilight dreaming at your feet, your words

 always filled with potentialities and promises

   the ones you wanted to keep,

      those assurances I wanted to believe.

But as the air escaped from your lips

even you knew their charm belied hidden mendacities

   

Your prayers rose up to meet a reverie

while your humanity foiled your aspirations

craving creature comforts, you traded an existence  

      where things were, “just ok”

    justifying that somehow that was “good enough’”.

  

Your greatest fear was your own success

     so you insured your failures and blamed circumstance

  leaving us both bathing in pools of sorrow

       under a obscure moon that mocked us both

 

     I feigned belief as I knew the nature of the beast

   and that you cannot change anyone…except yourself

     and even that requires great volition

 

As I faded to memory, a tear drop hologram

   of my yesterdays glimmered inside the aurora of fabrications

     you weaved with soft words and placations,

perhaps as much for yourself as for the curtains you drew

   round my desperations…always always .hopeful…

 

 

In the end I was a back door you left ajar, as running away

   was an art you had perfected and we were, a moment,

      a reason.....not a season or a lifetime

the place my innocence went to die…cupped in your hands

     your knuckles their flesh colored tombstone

 

So I learned to trust myself…still

  lingering in suspension ,searching for that faith

that I can do what I have shown myself is

within my own potential..as I know that your words

   are graceful facades ..sweet sounds

followed by that saccharin aftertaste

                      as I swallow them down

 

   We play with the anthems of a passage

     that has seen its heights

you have become a song whose relevancy

    is melded to another epoch

in a journey only I can complete….

and you will be there only

    in the nightsongs of a memory I touch

while dancing round the fires….

    those I ignited and the blazing chimeras

  …only I can extinguish

      

That I may walk…peaceful within my  own skin

          far from your words...and flesh tinged  promises

   standing on my own

           finally ...one day...fearless....

                                     

 

 

 

 (c) Katherine Wyatt 2012