The right decision?

a tragic tale of trying to make the right decisions and living with the consequences of them.

The right decision?

 

As I lay here ready to finish my final chapter, I recall the journey of my life, and a decision made in it. I tried to make the right one, but it is so hard for me. I believed in myself and got stabbed in the back, the knife held in my own hand. I write this to unfold from myself the torture my soul endures every waking moment.

            It was a winter long ago when my hair shined bright in the sunlight, and when I had things to live for. My wife of just over a year about to give me the ultimate joy of being, a baby. During the ultra sounds we chose not to find out the sex of the baby, and find out when the time finally came to know. We would not even pick the name until we held it before us, seeing the creation of our love for each other. I promised my wife I wouldn't, but for weeks I had been scribbling names on paper, there were so many choices back then. Just days before the delivery my wife started to feel sharp pains throughout her body. Immediately we scheduled an appointment with the family doctor. So clear now, the feel of the cold, steel chairs we sat in, waiting for the results.

            It was bad, devastating to us all. She was diagnosed with an advanced state of cancer. The doctor told us the risks of having the baby now, my wife could die through the process. I sort of just shut down then, but my wife carried on calmly. Caressing her protruding stomach she told the doctor a single sentence engraved forever on my heart. She faced him, face flushed, and told him she would have the baby if it was the last thing she ever did. Because of the decision I made, it was the last thing she ever did. 

            The day finally arrived and we were ready for the strenuous hours that lied ahead, but just thinking of the results made us jump internally, and me externally, for joy. Having this be our first delivery I got her there early, just to make sure there wouldn't be any room for mistakes. Resting in her bed, staring down she simply smiled.  She looked like a goddess, eternally captured on earth, only for me to have. My hand gently rubbing her palm, the moment, sensational. About an hour or so later her water broke. Oh, the sound it made was unimaginable. As the blue sheets started to stain through, the doctor and nurses rushed her to the operating room. It happened so fast that all I got was an I love you and a light brush of her fingertips as they moved by. With fantasies dancing in my head I was left there, alone to sit in the waiting room. What seemed like forever, finally passed to reveal only forty- five minutes had gone by. The doctor came through the waiting room door, his gloves, boots, and mask still on. Thinking nothing of those I jumped to attention to inquire about the procedure, however before any words escaped me, the news came. He told me there was a complication, my wife had an embolism in her heart and the baby was suffocating, and fast.

              My head spun for a moment with the reality of what was going on. I had a decision to make, lose my wife, or lose the baby, the one we worked so hard for. Remembering my wife's words, clear as day now, I chose to save the baby. A nano-second passed after the decision and he was gone from sight. Realizing what I had just done, I sat grief stricken, face cupped in my lap. I just sat there, weeping, a grown man brought down so hard. All I could do was ask, "why"? The clocks around me spun, hands fly off, and the faces melting away.  A second time the doctor came, this time his mask down.  As he walked towards me he pulled off his gloves with a snap, his head so far down, so depressed.  Wiping the tears away from my now reddened face, I met him at the door.  He told me it was a "success", but there was another complication. Instead of telling me what it was right away he led me to the operating room.  My wife lay there, the steel table embalming her beauty.  I couldn't face her, a coward I was, I turned and headed for the hall. As I left, a whisper escaped me, "I love you always, 'til death do us part."

               The doctor and I met for a third time. Wondering how much more I could take, I faced him, barely. He let me know they were able to save the baby but that she was slipping, they had her in an incubator, and he lead the way. Unknown to all, the baby was just as ill as my wife. The slight beeping of the heart monitor, the green line bouncing along, fading. Ahead, lied that clear box. Through it I could see the most gorgeous sight. I went to the edge, slipping my hands into the gloves, just to get one touch. I picked her frail body up through the rubber, she was so light. She had enough strength to open her eyes just so that she stared into mine, and that was it, she was gone. I was stone, unable to move, to continue on. I was dead, my heart ripped in two, and my soul sucked out by unnatural forces. The pat on my shoulder didn't make me feel any better, nor did the silent vigil the nurses flashed me.

            Nothing ever made me feel whole again, and even now I am empty. How I passed through life, all these years alone, watching fathers walk hand-in-hand with his loved ones.  I was bitter, for not knowing why, and for never trying to find out why either. Every year I dragged myself to their graves, forcing yellow flowers on the cold stone buried in the earth. I lay here now, finally ready to die, ready to be complete. Ready to hold my wife's hand again, and ready to look into my little girl's eyes.  My life slips from me now, my skin growing clammier and colder by the second, and as I go a whisper escapes me, "And I say to you, 'til death do us part."

Author's Note

Feel free to give me feed back so I may do better on my next story if I ever decide to write another. maybe I wil try something a little less depressing than this one. NOTE: THE ABOVE STORY WAS PURE FICTION. I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED THE SITUATIONS ABOVE AND HOPE NO ONE EVER WILL.

Reviews

[Last Lying Look]

This was amazing.
It was extremely sad & I'm surprised I didn't cry. I think the reason for that was because I was too captivated by the story & wanted to see what happened that I forgot to cry.
This was so beautiful but so sad. He tried to fulfill her last wish but failed.
So,so sad. Tragic.
I really loved this write.
I'm adding it to my favorites.

-Elissa

[Queen of wands]

The fact that the story is not based on any true event for your own personal experience is impressive. The story is well writte. I was captivated through to the very end. I wonder what inspired the write considering there is no personal experience involved. The only thing I found missing from the piece is that the focus seemed to be on giving an account of a personal experience that left little for the reader to ponder other than the event of tragedy within the existence of humanity. I almost feel betrayed as if I was lead to experience a trauma for no apparent purpose. It made no point other than that life can be sad and tragic, which I think is something we all know well. It was missing an element of something to offer the reader beyond this. Overall excellent work.

[Avery James]

Wow. I can't believe this wasn't real. You captured every moment with perfection. A heart-wrenching piece written by a master. Magnificent.

"She looked like a goddess, eternally captured on earth, only for me to have. My hand gently rubbing her palm, the moment, sensational."

[Katherine Marie]

Really good story - very touching. I wish you didn't tell us the gender of the baby, though - that would've been priceless. You also might want to pay more attention to structure (*cough cough* PARAGRAPHS! *cough cough*). But I really liked the repetition of till death do us part. That was cool. Overall, I liked it a lot. But I'm going to give it a bad grade to make your average go down, so HA!

[Fire&Ice]

Holy s**t Dave, this was really good. Mega-depressing though..You used your sensory details well.

[Ravenskald]

A true and sad account, covering many iof the bases of loss and the decisions therein.
Moves briskly, holds the interest, my only comment is typesetting and font size.
The huge block of text was hard to work with ( I cut and pasted this and put it in a wp to read it !)
and increased the font size.
Breaking it up into paragraphs would also add impact where you want it.
I know I'm guilty of the same thing , for me its almost random paragraphs !

TY for sharing this
~Raven