Love

the fears & thrills of new love

"come on, the water feels great!"  you shouted

that look of pure bliss in your eyes -

as you dove head-first, quickly feeling the cold rush

against your bare, glistening skin

relishing every drop, every stream

of the water swirling over your body like silk -

i felt a thrill of envy rush through me

as never before now

scrutinizing, i squint my eyes

the decision should not be so difficult

i jump - or i do not

i trail my fingers through the cool water

i hesitantly dip my toes

then yank them out - it's too cold

you float there, gazing into my troubled eyes - expectantly

i stare back, the thoughts trilling through my mind

i decide

i take a deep breath and jump in

then, in mid-jump, i gasp

i've forgotten something -

i do not know how to swim
 

lindsey

february 2, 2009

Author's Note

grammar = ignored, rough

Reviews

[Julio Angel Ortiz]

I like this; the conversational and laid-back tone work. The line "swirling over your body like silk" is a very good one. And the ending is perfect. Sure up the grammar and give it a revision or two, and it'd be even better.

[Signet]

That was a really cute and sweet poem. Great imagery!!

[Eagle Cruagh]

Very, VERY cute.

I guess you realized when you wrote this,
love like swimming is much the same.
You will either swim or you will drown.
Love, like swimming comes naturally.
Once in you will work your way through it.

Very clever writing.

My rating ----- 100 %

-----Eagle Cruagh

[Brittany]

haha :) i liked it. it's very cute and descriptive

[Jean P. Prudhomme]

we often do jump in to feel that the water is, indeed, great with our drowning bodies in love or something like it... and grammar is a secondary concern in creating a poem... i've only just recently learned the patience to edit my junk... was a good read