Everyone's Heartbreak

This is everyones heartbreak
How much time
will this twisted rhyme take

This darkness nearing
seems like pure evil..
labors of lost souls
those lustful piggy piggys
dont understand
that you have to know
before you throw
yourself
in front of the bus line
named love
the 3pm afternoon stop
is not in front of your door
get yourself out
its a tiring swampy moor
three miles away
couple seconds to travel it
if you dont watch yourself
you migh just forget how it hits
that depression, is it worth it?
forcing yourself on others like they
owe you
dont you understand?
everyone has a chance
to sieze their happiness...
but what if your happiness
is your lovers hell?

Oh, well...
At least you have yours.

This is everyones heartbreak
You lover wonders
How long will this life take?
Fourty five years and not enough time
To be satisfied, to get in in line
And all she wanted was her diamond ring
Her big fuzzy dog,
and those children things....
All she got was heartbreak and lies
Eating disorders
and cottage cheese thighs...
Marriage worked for those before us
Too bad we arent them
society bore us

 

Author's Note

Um.... I'm not sure if I like this one or not.

Reviews

[insanity]

You've got a lot of good thoughts here but I can't help feeling like there's almost no organization to this, it almost seems like you're just rambling, wandering from one though to another without bridging the two. If that's what you were shooting for then by all means ignore my sentiments, some poems are better when they don't connect thoughts, leaving the reader to draw the lines on the map for themselves. All in all, it's good but if this were my poem I'd take a little time to refine it. Either way, you've got a lot of feeling pent up in this one so I wouldn't change that one bit, poetry is less so about structure and moreso about the message you're trying to get across to your reader, you've succeed on the latter portion and that's all that we should really ask as a reader.

[shandi]

Well I like it!! Alot! You put many of my fears and feelings into words. Being in my 40s without s**t in my life, the risk you have to take at finding love, and the horrible things that come with failure and rejection. Great words.