him

an abused wife writing about her feelings

a lifetime of doing for him

thinking of what was best for him

not me

my reality was him

my first thoughts upon awaking

to the prayers I cried each night

"Lord, please keep him safe and strong.

And help him find his happiness and do your will,

even if that does not include me"

 

 

what should I wear today?

would he like it?

how would he like my hair?

why does he not look at me?

why does he have to look at porn instead?

am I that ugly?

why can he not love me?

 

never knowing why he came home angry

he just did

not understanding why he hated the food

I prepared with such love

until the one day, I just gave up doing so

because I could not please him

 

no matter what I did

he yelled

his words cut through my heart

like a knife through butter

over and over again

I thought of so many ways to make it stop

I would walk away and he would follow

with the cutting words

he was happy to see me cry

the smirk was always there

yet he said, "please do not hate me"

how many times did I think

of death

mine

his

ours

then he hurt with more than words

and all other choices were gone.

it was done

Author's Note

ignore grammar please