ETERNAL

For as long

As the breath

In this body

Exists

​Forever

In this life

And into the next

Before the beginning

And after the end

I Am.

Author's Note

-my boyfriend wrote this and would like some feedback

Reviews

[Wonderland Asylum]

Very simple, yet powerful if you look beyond the initial words.


As always, Keep writing

-Cat

[Ghost]

I like the feel of the words.. It makes one think if we are eternal while death proves the mortality of our bodies. Tell him it was a good write..

[BlackPrince]

What a beautiful and precise summary of the divine, physical and eternal nature of Mankind!

WELL DONE

[Dinesh Kumar]

nice words i really loved it

[R.E. Ray]

I admire writers to can send a powerful message in few words. This is a good example. I'm assuming the "I am" reference is to the title, "Eternal." If so, it certainly conveys a strong faith and a confidence in self.

[lessa (kenzie)]

This is so very good,
flowed well too.
love it, it has style

[Jas]

This isn't very good, I like how you structured it

[E.A. Spain]

could you explain specifically what about it you don't like? something a bit more constructive would be much appreciated!

[Jas]

Sorry about the auto correct I should proof read before I comment, I meant that it's very good. I have nothing negative to say about it actually.

[E.A. Spain]

oh okay! well thanks!

[G.W. Saitreux]

Thanks for sharing, this poem is cute and conveys a sense liveliness alongside momentary bliss while reading it.