Dissatisfaction

Dark Monologue

Dissatisfaction sits begrudgingly in the pit of my stomach
and continues to remind me of
all the things
all the things I have strive for and missed every ball I dropped
every f**k boy I kissed

Dissatisfaction makes a hideaway in my being
burrows in deep and starts to clinging
and I try to cover it up for people
because it's not worth seeing
but you can believe it

I'm a human being in this life
but where is the meaning
I've got all this pinned up strife
& the insides of my mind could use a deep cleaning
The whereabouts of my breakthrough is unknown
if it even exists
maybe if I just speak it enough into existence it'll be fixed
I suppose only God knows
but I'm not so sure if he hears my woes

Dissatisfaction is taking over
it's laying claim to my brain
it's settling into my pores
and I just want to stay sane

Author's Note

written may 31st 2017

Reviews

[R.E. Ray]

"I just want to stay sane" is a good last line in this poem. Though your poem conveys pain, frustration and bitterness, the last line implies "stay in the fight, keep going, etc." That "dissatisfaction" you address in this poem is actually a gift. That's right. It's a gift. It's the human brain, memory, saying that didn't work out so well, that person is not good for you, etc. It's a message to take a different path, make different decisions, etc. And, that's the connection to "sanity." For the definition of "insanity," as I once read, is doing the same thing and expecting different results. And, the result of doing the same is "dissatisfaction."

This is probably a bit off from your original intent with this poem, but it's my takeaway. Good stuff. Keep writing.

[Wonderland Asylum]

Well written, love the rhythm, rhyme and structure.

I also love the repetition of the word 'dissatisfaction.'

Like BlackPrice mentioned, there really isn't any punctuation. And I do agree with how he says that even poets should use proper punctuation. But this piece, already has the proper punctuation that it needs. Which is the lack of it. Poems don't necessarily need punctuation.
The way you left out all punctuation, impacts how each reaer takes it in.
One of my favorite structural choices you made in this poem is how you left out the punctuation.

[BlackPrince]

There is a grammatical error in the following line from the first stanza:
'All the things I have strive for...'
Instead, since it is in the past tense, it should be: 'All the things I strove for...'
In the present tense it would be: 'All the things I strive for...'

I notice that you didn't pay a great deal of attention to the punctuations, whether, perhaps, that is your intention or not.
I do believe that poets, like other serious writers, should apply the correct punctuations in the correct places within a sentence at all times; because people read our words and can learn something therein. As well as the subject-matter of the poem, a reader can also learn how to punctuate. Although, on the flip-side, I do understand that poetry is self-expression of one's soul. However, since we are wordsmiths, language has its basic rules to which we must adhere to, as educated and enlightened people. Our work should be perfected in every aspect.

The overall poem is good and true to the concept, with a consistent voice.

WELL DONE

[lessa (kenzie)]

I really love the rhythm of this piece, liked your first stanza. awesome write

[G.W. Saitreux]

I really like the rhythm to this poem and I also love it whenever the word 'fuckboy' is used in a poem. I heard there is a tea brewed in Peru where the Earth is soft and this tea has the potential to cleanse the minds of stress and worries but it might just be a rumor. Thanks for sharing this poem!