Dedicated to You

When days feel like hours

Life ticks itself away

Love is not ours

Causing my dismay

 

And every hour of my life

Is a hour wasted

If it's not thinking about you

 

When hours feel like minutes

There is not much time

I want to steal your love it's--

So divine

 

And every minute of my life is spent

Thinking about whether or not

Every minute of your life is spent

Thinking about me

 

When minutes feel like seconds

I'm stuck in a trance

Your heart beckons

"Take a chance"

 

And every second of my life

I spend more time thinking of you

Than you will ever spend

Thinking of me

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Not my best, at all. I had a couple of things in my head, the italicized ones to be exact. They've been stuck in my head all day. I wanted to put them down into a poem, but I couldn't find the right things to say to match the awesome quotes I came up with. This poem is, as I said, not very good.

Reviews

[Sam Cambell]

I think you're right, the italicized words had this amazing ring to them, but the rest of it was just... there. Not bad, but they didn't match the quality of the rest of it. You obviously have a good baseline with the words in italics, and I think if you just tweak maybe the last line of each the first and third stanzas it would improve flow and drive your meaning home. I do think it's sweet and poetic, and it really conveys an emotion I'm really familiar with... but aren't we all? Good write, keep up the good work :D

[Hide From God]

I agree with you man, the italicized words sound great, love the message that they convey. Honestly I find the other stanzas a little creepy but that is just me. You write from your soul Bryce which already puts you above other writers. Take your time and listen to what your mind is telling you and don't rush it. You have a lot of talent and potential to be an amazing writer. Good work man.

[Lilly Tagloff]

i really like this. i don''t know why exactly, but it's like your thoughts and words are all jumbled together to convince someone that all the tim in the world isn't enough...that probably doesn't make sense. but i still like this.