Oh How Thee

 

Her hair soars with the wind,

Gliding with the birds.

Oh how thee

Entrances me

With her looks.

 

Her eyes sparkle with the stars,

Lighting all the city.

Oh how thee

Entrances me

With those windows to her soul.

 

Her voice sings with the birds,

Fulfilling the world with a wonderful sound.

Oh how thee

Entrances me

With love’s sound.

 

As the birds glide,

And the light shows the way,

There lies a boy

Hoping some day,

That this one girl

Will be his to keep.

But,

Only time may tell

This dream of his

The answer.

 

So thy untouched love shall wait,

Until another moon sets

And another sun rises.

And when they set and rise,

Thy lovers shall meet at last

For true love’s first kiss.

Reviews

[Bluet_Belle]

I like this poem, and the message is good. But i have a problem:P

"thee" is the same as "you" but you are usuing it like it means "her" and I think it would make better sense is you used "she" instead of "thee" or if you substituted "you" instead of "her".

I HATE TO SOUND nitpicky, but i think it would be better this way.

It is great either way, but it would sound more pro with those couple of little changes. :P Iknow i havent much room to talk i just wanted to contribute my two cents:P

It is a wonderful write though, it is sweet and you are both lucky to have love:P

[Jules]

I agree with Dani_Mo, it would sound better with she instead of thee.
It's a really pretty poem, quite vivid, and it's really cute =]
I think most of the punctuation was good, I didn't really look for that in particular.
Overall, nice piece of work.

[Prose-full]

i love this...

[Kriss]

awww

[Alyssa!!!]

wow thats really sweet!!! when u describe her i picture an angel which she probally is to u!!! thats 1 lucky angel!!! lol

[Robyn]

This is such a sweet poem! Beautiful imagery and a nice flow to the whole thing. I love the "entrances me" line, so romantic. The language you used (thy and thee particularly) gives it an older feel, which is very refreshing and sincere.

[Amy Carroll]

That is a beautiful poem. The short beginning story to the last part of wondering thoughts. Thanks for sharing. It sets a picture in your mind and brings it to life. Beautiful...