A Heart

18th poem

 

Inside,

Darkness is left unlit

As words are left unspoken,

And hidden amongst it all,

Are feelings left broken.

 

Courageousness,

Lies beneath its surface,

Left alone and pure,

Yet not used by many.

Too many are insecure.

 

Loneliness,

Hurts every thing that contains it.

Most hide it behind a fake smile.

Some can hide it longer than others,

But everyone gives way after awhile.

 

Love,

Unleashed by a significant other;

It bonds two souls.

By far the best feeling;

It fills all life’s woes.

 

Outside,

Our faces our lit,

No words are left unspoken.

There is only one problem,

We are all still broken.

Reviews

[Raef C. Boylan]

Hey - this is a pretty good write.
Your writing has grown so much in only a few weeks!

I can't really offer any suggestions; this one feels honest and thoughtful.
The punctuation could be tidied up a little for a more professional look:

"Courageousness (you could lose comma for increased fluidity)
Lies beneath its surface,
Left alone and pure (could lose comma, but don't need to)
Yet not used by many.
Too many are insecure." -("many" used twice in two lines; suggestion for the second one: something like "Most are too insecure"?)

Yay with the semi colons in this stanza, although you could sawp the first one, so that it's:
"Love;
Unleashed by a significant other,
It bonds two souls.
By far the best feeling;
It fills all life�s woes." (this could be "all of" - the extra syllable wouldn't hurt your rhythm)

"Outside (coudl lose comma)
Our faces are lit,
No words are left unspoken.
There is only one problem: (suggest a colon here for small dramatic pause)
We are all still broken."

Well done, Bryce. No kidding.
Thanks for sending me this.

[O!]

Such a beautiful way of describing the heart and human nature, which really comes from the heart.......I felt myself going up and down emotionally while reading ur poem.....

u spoke a lot of truth here

typo: our faces our (are) lit

Thank you.

xxx
O!

[Celtic Cat]

I like it!!! I think the first stanza is actually my favorite, cuz it reminds us to SPEAK OUR HEARTS!
Loved all the in between, and an excellent ending: we are all still broken: indeed!!
Another great write!
Write on!

[Sweet Solitude]

This is a really beautiful poem. I really enjoyed it! :)

~Brittany

[The Random Writings Of ..]

There is only one problem,
We are all still broken.

This last line left me troubled. yet it speaks of so much truth. Yes we are still broken.
This is a wonderful description of the heart.

Love,
Unleashed by a significant other;
It bonds two souls.
By far the best feeling;
It fills all life�s woes.

This stanza here is a beautiful description of what love a heart can hold.
This is such a tender piece, so loving, but the end speaks the truth. That is why I love it. This is beautiful. Thank you for sending.
Kates
T