A Heart

18th poem

 

Inside,

Darkness is left unlit

As words are left unspoken,

And hidden amongst it all,

Are feelings left broken.

 

Courageousness,

Lies beneath its surface,

Left alone and pure,

Yet not used by many.

Too many are insecure.

 

Loneliness,

Hurts every thing that contains it.

Most hide it behind a fake smile.

Some can hide it longer than others,

But everyone gives way after awhile.

 

Love,

Unleashed by a significant other;

It bonds two souls.

By far the best feeling;

It fills all life’s woes.

 

Outside,

Our faces our lit,

No words are left unspoken.

There is only one problem,

We are all still broken.

Reviews

[Raef C. Boylan]

Hey - this is a pretty good write.
Your writing has grown so much in only a few weeks!

I can't really offer any suggestions; this one feels honest and thoughtful.
The punctuation could be tidied up a little for a more professional look:

"Courageousness (you could lose comma for increased fluidity)
Lies beneath its surface,
Left alone and pure (could lose comma, but don't need to)
Yet not used by many.
Too many are insecure." -("many" used twice in two lines; suggestion for the second one: something like "Most are too insecure"?)

Yay with the semi colons in this stanza, although you could sawp the first one, so that it's:
"Love;
Unleashed by a significant other,
It bonds two souls.
By far the best feeling;
It fills all life�s woes." (this could be "all of" - the extra syllable wouldn't hurt your rhythm)

"Outside (coudl lose comma)
Our faces are lit,
No words are left unspoken.
There is only one problem: (suggest a colon here for small dramatic pause)
We are all still broken."

Well done, Bryce. No kidding.
Thanks for sending me this.

[Adela Muresan]

Wow...I love the flow and truth of it --> bet it took ya a lot of work =D , and it was worth it.

Great write.

A.M.

[Jules]

I love how you started every stanza with one word. It made the poem sound more dramatic, word wise. This was a very emotional poem, and I liked how I felt what you were writing about as I was reading it. You had a typo, and a few grammar errors, but it doesn't take away from the poem, and it can always be fixed. Nice work!

In the first stanza, "unlit" should have a period after it. Also, "Are feelings left broken." should be "Out feelings are left broken." In the second stanza, "many." should have a semi-colon instead of a period. In the third stanza, "smile." should have a semi-colon instead of a period. The fourth stanza doesn't have any grammar or spelling errors. In the fifth stanza, "lit," should have a period after it instead of a comma, and "Our faces our lit." should be "Our faces are lit."

[Shelly Wiseberg]

I think this poem is fantabulous! Very deep, emotional, honest, painful, sad, many can relate to, nicely done, Shelly

[Mastermind]

"Outside
Our faces are lit,
No words are left unspoken."

I loved these lines, they really stuck out to me and gave me an interesting mental picture. Great job, I liked how you placed one word at the top if each stanza then elaborated on it in the following lines. Thank you for entering my contest, and keep up the good work!

[Gabrielle E. M. T.]

This is a beautiful poem. I love how it mentions the different feelings in a heart. I enjoyed reading this. It brightened my day reading a very well written poem. =] Kudos!

[KUFU]

When you write,

"Unleashed by a significant other,"

...I see love as it is when wielded from the heart/soul of the person you are sharing your private self with. Unleashing intimates a burning love; flung upon the other half of the heart that completes you. That kind of unconditional loving makes you whole.
I also like how the work concludes with the polar opposites..."inside" speaks of darkness and melancholy, while "outside" speaks of the same emotion, I understand it(outside) to intimate the conflict of the other emotional headers...courage, love etc. This duality, though opposites ties/sums up the poem in it's entirety. Almost the way an ending couplet does in an English Sonnet.

Again, well done sir.

[KUFU]

I like how this poem runs the gamut of human emotions.
A fitting ode. The stanza on love is of course the one that stands out for me.
You have a gentle voice when you pen such emotive poetry.

Nice job.

[Sean Allen]

"significant other"... I'm an old man... I don't believe I said that... but you will too someday...anyway, I don't use Viagra, but "significant other" kinda makes me feel limp. It's not a piece of meat, it's a lover.
sa

[Thomas Snider]

This is GREAT! It shows the different parts of people, things they hold in till the right time and things they choose just not to show. Though this shows some of the neglected, it shows the good parts in people as well, and potential in people that they could choose to open their hearts or not. But in the end it shows the flaw of man, that they are flawed... "We are all still broken."

Great work Bryce. =D

-Hp.

[Elijah Gleaves]

Great work. What a way to describe how people bottle emotions inside.