It's Not Too Complex

21st poem

So here I am
Sitting here with you
Wondering what to do
Thinking of something new

It's lingering in my head
It just wont go away
I'm not going to wait another day
Is that okay?

Why not try it?
It's not too complex
Who cares about the effects?
Lets have sex!

Reviews

[Celtic Cat]

I love: Warning:
This poem is rated Mature and may contain material unsuitable for those under the age of 18. And you, my friend, are only 14!! Not old enough to read your own writing, now that's just wrong!! lol
Anyhow.....This is a good poem, universal theme, good rhymes....
Who cares about the effects?
Lets have sex!

[Jules]

I think the general meaning of this poem is good, but I kind of agree with Celtic Cat when she said to care about the effects and why she said that, but I also agree with you, because if you love someone, you shouldn't care what happens as long as you're with that person, so I'm kind of in between on that part. I loved how you rhymed effects and sex. This poem did remind me of parts of teenage life, especially what teenage guys can be like (seeing as I'm a teenage girl, and am effected by them). I loved the last line, it really impacted the poem. I disagree with anyone who said you should have used more imagery. Not all poems need imagery, and this is one that is better without it.

[Amy Carroll]

That's funny. I like the straight forwardness in it. Good write.

[Laura E. Aranda]

This made me laugh
Wow.
Sounds of a Teenager!

[Lizzy]

Very teenage
ha ha
i like it
very to the point
nice work
=]]

~lizzie
xox

[Jeremy Enright]

Typical teenage curiousity put into poems.....if you think it's not complex wait until emotions take over and it becomes making love....nice write

[The Random Writings Of ..]

Wow talk about to the point. Yes my dear the ending caught me a little off guard. I have to say that being as young as you are the piece is very mature. Good write, not deep, but straight to the point. Well done my friend.
Kates

[Berenice]

it's cool. a little blunt for me seeing as i'm 12 almost 13 but i like it. btw i'm one of britt's real friends.

[Raef C. Boylan]

Take note of Marco's review below.
The simplistic approach is good...honest and speaks of the untoched innocence possibly about to be broken. However, you could make this a lot better by being more subtle and providing the reader with more information via language and imagery.
Also, there isn't really anything to help us relate to your narrator, and that's important. At the moment, i don't like him/her much. We don't have to LIKE him/her, although that does help, but we do need to feel like we know them a little.

You've done well sticking to the rhyme structure imposed on yoruself - ABBB, CDDD etc...although i think it may have limited your expression of this scenario.

"Its lingering in my head" (It's)

Overall, well done in attempting to tackle this subject.
Keep coming back to this piece, and consider expanding or creating a second version of it.

Thanks for posting this.

[Marco A. Valencia]

Hey Bryce, This is quite an poem you have here, I am impressed with your take on the situation and how honest and naked you keep your words and intentions. The honesty is very good. It is fresh and interesting. Yes, it is a little scary when I remember what it was like to be your age one of my girl friends, scarier because now I have a daughter to watch out for, lol. Like I said, your idea here is very good. You've got a catchy line with "its not too complex" that is also good. What I would like to see more off is the imagery of the moment. I am going to ask you some questions, some of them may sound weird or crude but once you have answered them you might have more imagery for your poem. You can answer the questions for yourself, I don't need to know the answers, this is just an exercise to get you thinking about imagery. Now, Imagery is usually what we see with our eyes but in poetry imagery is all of the experience of our senses like sight and smell and taste and touch. So here they go How old is she?Is she pretty?How was she dressed?Was she wearing perfume?Was she wearing make up?How far had you gotten?How long had you been with her?Had you said I love you?Was is it her first time?Was anybody in the house?Was it day or night?Was it hot or cold?Was there noise from the street or not?OK - I know this is a little weird but the point is that you can paint a picture with words and you can make your poetry, your writing stronger when you write about what you see feel taste touch and hear. Those things make a big difference in writing. Really though, you are writing first for yourself, so write what you experienced and also what you were thinking, the two things are one and the same. Here you have written what you thought in that moment now add what you were experiencing in that moment. I'll give you a little example to help you understand. I am not rewriting your work I am just using it to make an example. You wrote -So here I amSitting here with youWondering what to doThinking of something new Here is my example -So here we areOn the couch in the basementPlaying with your hair Wondering what to doYour dad fumbling in the garageI can here the bus passing bybut all I can think of is your perfumeMy hands are restlessYou smile like you know what I'm thinkingand push me away playfullyBut I'm not thinking dirtyReally baby theirs nothing dirtyAbout what I want to doSo, the point isn't what I actually wrote but what I wrote about, like her hair and the basement and her father in the garage and the bus outside. Having her father in the garage makes it risky but being in the basement makes it removed so all those things play a little with the reader to paint a picture of what you were experiencing and how that helped you think the way you did.So try to tap into that and make it work for your poetry. It will only make it better.Good luck, Marco

[Solst Rapture]

This was simple but completely effective. At first I thought, 'Oh no, this is absolutely lame.', and then- POW, the last line made it all fit together flawlessly.Brilliant!!!!!