Loneliness

The title says it all .....

Loneliness is a ticking clock

Inside an empty room

That echoes round inside your head

And you feel just like a tomb

Its a cacophony of silence

As you stare across the street

And desperately want to hear

The sounds of passing feet

To watch and see the happiness

Of others passing by

Whilst you are sitting quietly

Watching clouds go by

You know the room so intimately

Everything in its place

At times you feel its choking you

And smothering your face

Deep down there .. inside of you

There's just an empty space ...

of broken dreams and memories ...

why can't they take place?

And so you drift off to your bed

To try and get some sleep

Days and nights can seem like years

Tomorrow ...... maybe peace.

 

Phil Sanders

Reviews

[Carl]

The ticking clock. The empty room. The longing for something to fill the space. The aching heart. The lonliness in some people who sit there dasy after day do the same things see the same poeple eat their meals at the same time of the day. You have captured lonliness perfectly in this peice. a quality write

[jen -- JG]

Striking very close to the bone here Phil - emotions are torn and lonlines prevails. The sad thing about being lonely is that when this feeling hits - it hits wherever you happen to be. We can be alone and happy or when can drown in the fuzzy blackness even if surrounded by a hundred people.

That emptiness is proufound and soul destroying.

Well written Phil

jen-JG

[ah]

another amazing piece, thanx again for the request

[Angela H.]

A really nice write, Phil. I sure can relate to this.

Angela

[Tania Leigh]

Ooooh, I like this

"You know the room so intimately
Everything in its place
At times you feel its choking you
and smothering your face"

Perplexing that the very things that give us comfort can also cause us to feel lonely.
I love the ticking clock in the empty room reference....that is perfection.
I enjoyed this :-)

[OceanTropic]

WOW.

This is by far my favorite. You have this ability to slow down time. Even as I read this I found the imagery making the passing of time seem so slow. You are so accurate. How in our room everything is in its place, such a familiarity. How days and nights seem like years. I especially loved the first two lines. "Loneliness is a ticking clock, inside an empty room." Brilliant. Such a metaphor yet even if taken literally you can just see the loneliness. The emptiness, such empty space and time as is almost barely goes...

I am inlove with this piece. Definately going in my library.

[An Ordinary Woman]

Yessir I know loneliness, we are friends on some days but other days, I just wanna cry. :+(
Beautifully penned and expressed...

[R J Askew]

I'm really glad I read this after your hope poem. It shows that you can look on this side of life as well as the positive. There is a great sense of reality about this one. You capture the mood and do not try to gloss over it in any way. I reckon a very large number of people will know precisely what this poem is about. I note that you slip into the near-ballad form of an 8 syllable line followed by a 6. I don't feel so bad about my fence sitting now!

[Sally Edwards]

Beautiful writing as always, I sense the loneliness here in your words, it conjures the room up in my mind, so poignant too........

[Sr.phil]

tomarrow.....maybe peace. lets just hope. once again Phil great work, this shall be the third poem i review and yet to feel dissapointed, good things. Loneliness and topic i am to familiar with, i briefly pussed to remember the room your describing, it all came back to me. what a vision to have, impact your reading. good things! good job! good stuff! is my saying....