Stuck

Stuck JB

 

Today I entertained a thought that nobody would want

I saw you, another man, and another life

It was the only thought that almost brought me to tears just to picture

I say almost because I can’t cry, and haven’t cried in a long time

I feel like my heart is breaking more and more, yet getting harder at the same time

I can feel us, see us, and hear us growing farther than ever from each other

It’s the worst feeling in the world feeling alone when you are with that person everyday

I keep wondering where god is at in this picture of my life

I can’t find him even though he says he’s here

See its getting to the point where I can’t cover up my pain

You know that all smiling face you always see on me

That person who always has some sort of joke or something to laugh about

Its leaving me

I wish I wanted to keep fighting for this, I beg myself to, but I can’t

It’s what brought me to imagining you with another life without me

To stop fighting for the person I thought saved me from myself in the beginning hurts

I can feel that deep deep scar in my heart

I never expected it to change once we had our girl

But it did

I hope it’s not your fault, I know how easy it is to forget the people who love you when you’ve found an un ending love in your fist born child

I’m just expressing my deepest emotions towards us

I’m sorry I can’t communicate it in person it’s too much

See in your mind all I want is your body and that’s all

It’s not true, never was, I just wanted your love is all

A man can only handle so much rejection from his combined soul

That’s what’s happened to me, I’ve finally collapsed and fell

I try to pick myself up but I can’t

When every other thing you do is a failure how can you keep standing up from that

For better or for worse is a joke

When it got worse you ran when it was better you stayed

When I was mentally sick I got shame not love

I can feel the f*****g tears welling up in my eyes

This is where I shut it off, where I scream at god

And say thanks a lot.

I’m angry, I’m broken, and lost in my thoughts.

 

 

Reviews

[Angel]

Man, you get very deep in your poems. I admire that a lot, it's disappointing when you want only one thing and it seems to be the thing that no one wants you to have. I hope you have found that love, that missing piece to make the sun come out of that lonely darkness. I hope you keep trying and writing. I really connect with yours, great work.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Real, raw and eloquently written poem. So many times we get "stuck" in life and in our own thoughts. We tend to bounce thoughts around in our heads and magnify them in an endless loop that can cross the line and become self-destructive. Reaching out and talking, or writing, helps to put things back in perspective. "I'm angry, I'm broken, and lost in my thoughts"-plaintive and insightfully expressed. Talk, pray, write, act, DO-don't let the thoughts trap you. Get outside alone or with wife and kids and DO-run, sweat, exercise, redirect yourself and it will change the thoughts, then you can change other things. Sending you healing energy and hope....Excellent, intimate write from the heart. Kudos my friend.

[Jonathan Brown]

Thank you for your kindness.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

Know that you are not stuck alone, even though I know it feels that way. Life sucks at times, and people even more so. Perhaps in giving up on you, it's a reflection that she doesn't have the strength to hold you up. Her weakness, your weakness ... you have a daughter for which you both need to be strong. The innocent child always suffers the most. Don't give up. Don't give in. Be broken, but find that duct tape and patch yourself together again. We are all broken and holding ourselves together the best that we can. From one broken person to another ... be well, be happy, be loved.

[Elisabeth Acosta]

So profound. so many people must feel like that. Desperation, dark and lonely. You did a great job of make mg me feel as I read.

[Jonathan Brown]

Thank you, your feedback means a lot.