My Story

My Story some

I went to school here in town.

Graduated 2009.

Apart of a variety of youth groups

and churches

Listening to the stories of my peers

and when asked to hear mine

I questioned, who cares? 

Who would accept me?

In body and mind

A w****s tale 

A selfish kind

How cruel the thought of denial 

of something so precious to the heart

the very being of me

my story

To be neglected that acceptance of Love

To walk in a selfish shame

My own self pity becoming the beat to which I dance by

In the eyes of a broken body I find

A lost justice to small to count

So in puzzled words

In broken poems

I write that secret so evident in my eyes

And cover yours

With the unsorted explanations of my story

But in the end 

only to be filled with the grace of Gods glory

but the start

Of this girls story 

shows a different kind of glory

so let me take you back to the start

The innocence of a young girl 

so pure at heart

but picture now 

this girl

in a room

alone

with him 

stripped to the bone

as God sits up on his thrown

she would ask her self

is this normal?

but when his hands slipped in her pants

Like a loud gong, or a disastrous alarm. 

how can this become the norm?

but when I got down on my hands and knees

I question "did you even hear my plea?" 

They say time heals all wounds

and I can tell you now time has gone on

but the scars them selves

still live on

taking me back to those nights of 

loneliness

reminding me of the times of 

brokenness

and often living in 

hopelessness 

I would find my self kissing the lips of a stranger

hoping that somehow he was greater

and was able to restore what was broken

and so I would go to him

and then him

and then

him

and with them

I would leave a piece of me

even if it wasn't love

to have that one moment of affection

and to feel that one boy's protection 

I would deny the fathers heart of Love

once again written on my arm was a bitterness and anger

because I let those men become more than strangers

shame would be my lover

and lust would be my companion 

So I speak in riddles, hoping you can read between the lines.

written in cursives to make what I say seem beautiful

but I am sick of this face, pretending like everything is fine

give me a fine truth that I can understand

because to me

The body is broken

and it is easier to follow the music of a band

because thats what we can understand

music to our souls

to be accepted, thats always our goal 

and we can understand

the lyrics of the broken hearted

the voices of the lost 

one person's attempt to be heard 

by song or poem

all written in a hidden secret 

much like this poem.

if you can call it that

but I understand what I think

I mean, I wrote the piece

trying to find real peace

Praying and crying for some sweet release

They say that the drunken mind speaks hidden truth

so lift up your drinks to the dying youth

as we write, scream, play, live our stories 

but wait

this life is all for God's glory..

So here I stand. silenced. 

and in the whispers like that of a silent wind

as spoken to a loved one

I heard the truth of your word

and you said you would  feed a simple bird

“and how much more valuable  are you to me?”

He kept going and said

“Janelle, I heard your cry those many years ago

as a little girl who had no where to go

just like my children of Israel I heard their plea

my beloved how dear you are to me.

Again he said to me

with tender words

"God is Gracious that is what your name means

I will restore in you a beauty never lost 

I will embrace you with an innocent and pure love

that can only be complete with my son above"

Reviews

[Annie]

Wow. Just wow. Incredible, moving, so amazing. God bless you!!!