Farewell

English Sonnet

The painful lies you relished over me
Those empty sentiments won't bid me stay
For far too long my heart refused to see
Farewell my darling, I'll be on my way.

In truth my heart shall feel tremendous pain
The wound you carved has left an oozing scar
My strength once dead, unearth, I will proclaim
I hope to regain peace and joy, by far.

Those untruths spoken opened up my eyes
No victim now the chains thrown by the side
A stronger spirit, now no need to cry
I now look forward, heart cascades with pride.

Traveling this journey to find a soul
To save my heart and forgetting lies once told.

Reviews

[CD Campbell]

This is quite good. I've written a few sonnets in my younger years and I know that it takes some perseverance and a little talent to pull it off. Which hooray! You do! (You won't find any in my catalogue. LOL) The big issue is going from line to line and keeping the beat without it stuttering. Flow in meter can be hard. Right? I'm sure I'm stating what you already know, but this is just my way of saying the flow and mechanics of the piece were excellent. As far as the content, you were able to relay your sentiment in an intelligent way and wrapped up the poem with a sense of hope, which is nice. Great work, I liked it. It's aged well.

[Tate Morgan]

We often have to go this. Truth is not all boys become the men they once dreamed they would be. We mean well though. Its that foolish pride we fight with that tarnishes our soul lol

[Susan 🦋]

Gosh you reading some "older works" lol...yes, this one..ughh

[Tate Morgan]

I just wanted to know where your inspirations came from. It has been a while since i was online and a long time since i reviewed anything

[Susan 🦋]

oh well..There is a little bit of me in everything I write. I feel it all. :-)

[Nicholas Shea]

There are so many painful stages to being deceived. This is (in my opinion) the most important one. Finding that ray of hope through the tempest.
wonderful.

[Susan 🦋]

Thank you for reading and for the review!! I appreciate you taking the time! :-)

[TheLostMind]

This is really good. I loved the first stanza. "The wound you carved has left an oozing scar" : Well, those wounds will heal, but the scars will last. Every now and then we will look at those scars and wonder if it was really worth it. We all make mistakes, we all fall, but what matters is how well we rise up again.

A really good write.

[Susan 🦋]

awe thank you so much for this wonderful review! glad you enjoyed this poem

[Jade]

oh wow I can so relate to this piece here. You're very poetic

[Susan 🦋]

thank you so much for reading and the review! much appreciated!! :-) take care

[Eleven12]

"No victim now the chains thrown by the side" is my favorite part. Very nice! I hope I never have to read this while in this kind of a breakup (although it would probably hit the perfect painful cord of it all if I were) It still leaves me understanding the pain and the victory of pressing on after. Very nice!

[Susan 🦋]

Thank you for reading and the review!!! Glad you enjoyed my little poem :-)

[J Todd Underhill]

Great work on the sonnet form, read effortlessly! Well done poetess.

[Susan 🦋]

well, aren't you sweet! thanks so much!!

[Karmee]

I really enjoyed this write, it's lovely really.

[Susan 🦋]

thank you so much for your kind review.

[Philip Muls]

Beautiful description of 'moving on'. Only when you really decide to let go, decide with all your heart, only then can you be free of a destructive relationship.

Great write.

[Susan 🦋]

Awe thanks for reading and the great review! much appreciated!

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Susan! : )
I actually read this one late last night and made a note to return and review it for you today.
After reading it and realizing the skill and understanding it took to compose it, I felt a bit embarrassed by all I said to you about the English Sonnet and shared about iambics … LOL!

Meter, word-choices and arrangement, font choice and italics for softness, nice presentation, emotional timbre, poignancy, hope, flow, the whole nine-yards is virtually spot-on. Then, my teacher's eye perceives a wee number of issues I'd like to see addressed in finishing and polishing such an otherwise marvelously rendered and deserving Sonnet:
1. grammar (punctuation, unnecessarily capitalizing every line)
2. repeat words
3. penultimate line begins trochaic
4. L14 consider omitting "and" and making it "To save my heart, forGETTing lies once told.", as "forget" (by itself) reads spondee.
4. near/slant rhymes (for me) are okay, but just "okay"

Well, I'm speaking with you as if speaking to myself when reading back through one of my own sonnets with a keen eye, and for you I wish the same degree of perfection as I wish for my own efforts — knowing all the while, there's no such thing … LOL!
Whatever, Susan, I'm sure you realize I am smitten by your skills and love the way you wrapped my emotions, empathy, and enthrallment completely into this captivating, heartfelt verse … plus, you totally surprised and amazed me … happily and gratefully, I might add.

Smiles 'n hugs of warmest thanks to you for sharing your beautifully-inspiring pen-craft with us! ⁓ Richard

[Susan 🦋]

Don't ya just love it when the reviews are better than the poems!!!!... :-)) Don't feel embarrassed!! my gooodness...I need to get this stuff right!...so i am open to suggestions!! for sure... crazy weekend for me...but i will review everything you just mentioned. heheh i have so many thoughts and feelings...but need help getting them into meter and structure...but i'm trying!!!

[Richard🖌]

Sometimes, a work is such that it is well worth a book of comments … this one (for me) is one of those, Susan … it is simply enthralling.
Thank you! ⁓ RJ : )