Ch. 2: The Old Man

Anna, Brenden, and Scarlett get access to their powers and weapons.

Chapter 2: The Old Man
Everyone on the street that they were on, Green Street, was panicking.
"What was that!?" Brenden, John, and the rest of the gang heard from a random person.
Brenden rushed over to the voice so he could explain what happened. It took a while but he finally found the voice.
"The sun!" Brenden said. "It's in pieces! Look!"
"The sun is just fine!" The random person said. "It was probably a bomb! I hope the explosion wasn't so bad."
The man ran off even though the sun is what caused the explosion. Brenden walked backed to the others but was cut off by an old man.
"Wait..." The old man said. "The sun? Oh! Thank goodness! I finally found you! You don't know how long I've been waiting!"
Brenden had no idea what this man was talking about, or why he was acting so weird.
"Uh, what?" Brenden said.
"But wait." He said. "Aren't there supposed to be six of you?"
"Well I have five other friends, but I don't know why you""
"Great! Take me to them!"
Brenden tried to ask what he was talking about, but he wasn't listening. Brenden just assumed he didn't have a choice so he took took the old man over to John, Scarlett, Anna, Seth, and Tara.
"Alright, there they are." Brenden said. "Now why do you want us?"
The old man wasn't listening.
"Brenden, who is that old man?" Seth said.
"He said he knows us." Brenden said. "I don't know who he is though."
"You said something about the sun right?" The old man said. "How it was in pieces?"
"Yeah." Tara said. "What, did you see it? We couldn't find anybody else who saw it."
"No." He said. "But I... Ugh. Just come with me."
The old man sounded irritated, like they didn't have the right information for him. He took them to an old hut like place
"Uh." John said. "Where are we?"
"This is my hut!" The old man said. "I'll be giving you six some weapons and you guys are going to train with them."
"Why?" Scarlett said.
"Didn't you have a dream?" He said. "About the akuma?"
"Uh, what?" Anna said. "We had three dreams, but I don't think any of us know what an akuma is."
"Really?" He said. "Can you tell me about the dreams?"
The six told the old man about how in the first dream, the sun broke and the environment was getting darker and snowier. They also said how in the second dream, the sun was getting drained of something and a person turned into a demon. Finally, they told him how in the last dream, the demon thing from the last dream was turning others into demons by killing them. Once they were done, he took a while to take it all in.
"Okay." The old man said. "You know how in the second dream you said something about a demon?
"Uh... Yeah." Brenden said. "Why?"
"Those are akuma." He said. "They are demons that can suck the spirit out of a human."
"Hold on." Brenden said. "I have a lot of questions."
"Like what?" The old man said.
"First of all, what did you mean when you said you have been looking for us?"
"You six are the chosen ones for stopping the destruction of the sun." He said.
"Okay. Second of all, why are you trusting six teenagers to save the world?"
"Well, I didn't know how old you were gonna be when I first found you. I thought you were gonna be older. Well we can't wait now because it's already happening."
"Third of all. Why is the sun acting this way?"
"Well, the sun isn't a big ball of gas like you learned in your science class. It is a ball of fire held together by magic. Our spirits are held together by magic. If the magic is taken away, the spirit will be free to be taken."
"But why would the sun blow up now?" Seth said. "Why didn't it blow up before?"
"Because." He said. "It was triggered by something."
The six friends took a while to think what could have triggered the explosion.
"Was it"" Scarlett said. "Was it the dreams we had?"
"I seems likely." The old man said.
"Fourth of all, if you know us, do you know our names?"
"No. I just know that you six are the chosen ones." He paused for a minute. "Has anything unusual ever happened to any of you?"
"No." Tara said. "Well, I don't think so."
"Anyway... I'm Brenden Duden, he is John Judycki, she is Anna Ranford, he is Seth Colette, She is Scarlett Fabbris, and she is Tara Hexner." Brenden said. "What's your name?"
"Yosuke Tanaka." He said. "But you can call me Sensei Tanaka or just Tanaka."
"Woah!" Seth said. "Your a sensei!? Like the people who train others to become ninjas!?"
"I stopped ninja training a long time ago." Tanaka said. "I started doing magic training."
"What's magic training?" Anna said.
"I think I'll tell you six tomorrow. It's getting pretty late."
They didn't realize the time. They were so intrigued by the things Tanaka was telling them about. Brenden looked at his watch and it said 3:15.
"If you want to make it so your plan succeeds, you six should get going." Tanaka said.
"Wait." Brenden said. "How did you-"
"Don't worry about it." John whispered to Brenden. "Let's just go!"
"Bye!" They said as they left, desperately waiting for the next day to come so they could talk to Tanaka again. So the six went to their house and went to bed.

Brenden woke up in the middle of the night, relieved.
"Yes!" Brenden said. "No more dreams about the sun!"
Brenden shook John in joy so he could tell him the good news.
"What?" John said, awoken.
"No more sun dreams!" Brenden said.
"Oh!" John said. "I didn't even realize that! Thank goodness the dreams are finally over!"
"No kidding! We can finally sleep without worrying about those stupid dreams!"
"Hey." John said. "What do you think magic training is?"
"I don't know." Brenden said. "I just want to go to sleep."
"Before we go to bed, can you turn on the light?"
"Ok."
John got up from his bed and flicked the light switch
"Aren't you going to turn on the light?" Brenden said impatiently.
"Hang on." John said. "It's hard to find the switch while in the dark."
After a while, John finally found the light switch and turned it on.
"That's odd." John said. "I thought the lights were a lot dimmer."
"That is weird." Brenden said. "Maybe our eyes adjusted... to..."
Brenden stopped talking and had a concerned look on his face.
"Brenden?" John said. "What is it?"
Brenden pointed to the window. John then looked outside, only to realize the same thing. Their window was completely white. Brenden and John only thought one thing: That white stuff, is snow.
"Open the window." John said. "I don't think it'll make a mess because it's not real, remember?"
"Oh yeah." Brenden said as he picked the candle back up. "Hold on."
Brenden went over to the window and opened it. Brenden and John expected it to fall in their room. But it didn't. It was just floating there. Brenden stuck his hand through. When he did, the snow backed up. He tried moving his arm around really fast, but he never got a spec of it on him.
"Woah!" Brenden said. "That's so cool!"
"Yeah." John said. "I'm tired. I'm going to sleep."
"Okay. I will too."
Brenden went over to the light, turned it off, and went to sleep.

The next morning they texted everyone else if they could see the massive amounts of fake snow. Surely enough, they did. Brenden and John went outside and noticed that the snow was still there. The cool thing was, they were walking right through the snow. It was also difficult to see since it was still quite dark. They looked at the pieces of the sun, worried.
"I hope it doesn't get worse." Brenden said. "That would be bad."
"I'm sure Tanaka should know something about it." John said.
"Then let's go to him!"
"We can't. We have to go to school."
"We shouldn't do the plan again because Mom and Dad might find it suspicious."
"Okay. You might want to make sure that the others don't do the plan either."
Brenden agreed. He texted Scarlett, Tara, Seth, and Anna to not follow the plan, but to get to school regularly. They all agreed and about an hour later, everyone arrived at school.
"Did you guys see how high the snow was?" Seth said.
"Not really." Anna said. "It was so dark, I couldn't see anything!"
"Are you guys really talking about this again?" Drew said. "There isn't any snow there! Or anywhere!"
"Whatever." Scarlett said. "So, when do you guys want to go to Tanaka?"
"Probably right after school, right?" Tara said.
"Who's Tanaka?" JT said. "They sound Japanese."
"He's our sensei!" Seth said, proudly. "He's gonna train us for something!"
"Don't tell them!" Brenden said to Seth. "They're just going to doubt it!"
"Oh, sorry."
"Oh no, only one minute 'till the bell rings!" Tara said. "Well, I'll see you guys later!"
Everybody soon realized the time and rushed to their classes. The six friends who met Tanaka really wanted the day to go by so they could meet him again. The school day finally went by and so they all went to Green Street and met together.
"Do any of you guys remember where the camp was?" Brenden said. "Because I don't."
They all shook their heads and decided to split up and find it. They looked for about twenty minutes but there was no sign of it. They all gave up and sat in a circle.
"Ugh!" Scarlett said. "I don't get it! It was here yesterday!"
"Well, since we can't find it, I might as well go." Anna said.
Anna got up and started walking away. While she was walking away, the gang realized something very strange.
"Uh... Anna?" Brenden said. "Do have, like, light blue nail polish on the bottom of your shoes?"
"Uh... What?" Anna said. "I don't think so."
"Then what is that on the floor?"
Anna turned around and saw light blue patches of something. They were footprint shaped so they were obviously coming from her. She bent down, startled, and felt the unknown substance.
"It's... ice!' She said
"What!?" Everyone else said.
They all quickly went over to the light blue footprints and sure enough, it was ice. After they investigated for a while, they heard a noise behind them. They turned around and saw the same red flash that they saw a few nights ago. It lasted a few seconds longer but then it subsided. When it did, they saw Tanaka's camp.
"What?" Seth said. "How?"
"Oh, hello." Tanaka said. "What are you kids doing?"
"So you were that flash we saw like three days ago?" John said.
"Yes." Tanaka said. "I was."
"Anna was walking and then we noticed this." John said as he pointed to the ground where the ice tracks were.
Tanaka walked over to it and analyzed it.
"Huh." Tanaka said. "I though for sure you were going to be fire."
"What?" Anna said.
"Well, it looks like we figured out your element!" Tanaka said. "Now then, let me show you your weapon."
Tanaka brought Anna into the hut while he left the other five just sitting there. Brenden wanted to get John's attention for something so he poked him in the back.
"Ow!" John said. "Why'd you pinch me?"
"What?" Brenden said. "I didn't pinch you. I poked you, see?"
Brenden poked John in the shoulder again and saw that it made a small spark.
"Ow!" John said again.
"Woah, cool!" Brenden said.
Brenden waited for Anna to come out. Eventually, she did. She was holding some sort of staff.
"Tanaka!" Brenden said. "Every time I poke John, it shocks him a little!"
"Hmm..." Tanaka said. "So I guess your element is lightning. Come over here."
He went over to a suitcase that said "Arc Thunder" on it. Brenden had no idea what that meant though. He opened the case and in it was a staff.
"This is a bo staff called Arc Thunder. It is powered by lightning can shoot it as well."
"Wait." Brenden interrupted. "Is this mine now? Like, do I get to keep it?"
"Yes. Hold the staff so it can give you powers."
Brenden grabbed the brown and blue staff. As he did, blue vein looking lines scaled up his right arm.
"Woah!" Brenden said as he dropped the staff. "What was happening to me?"
"That is the power going into your body." Tanaka said. "It's okay. It might give you a headache that won't last very long. Grab the staff again and let the process finish please. Also, this process is lightning exclusive so all your other friends won't have to do this."
Brenden slowly picked the staff back up. His arm was then covered in blue lines. A few seconds later, it stopped and Brenden felt a strong surge in his head.
"Ow!" Brenden yelped. "Owowowowowow!"
"Are you feeling okay?" Tanaka said.
"Yeah. Just the headache thing you were talking about. That's all."
Brenden sat down with the bo staff in his hands. For some reason, he started to create sparks. When he did, his staff glowed neon blue.
"Woah!" Brenden said. "I'm gonna show the others!"
Brenden lively jumped to his feet and ran out of the hut. When he got out, he saw Anna showing the others her powers. She was holding a small leaf and then it froze.
"Guys look!" Brenden said.
He showed them what he could do. He poked John and it created a spark.
"Ow!" John yelped. "Why do you always do it to me?
"Woah!!!" They all said.
"Pretty neat, huh?" Brenden said.
They all stared at Brenden and Anna in amazement. They were then thinking if they also had powers. And if so, what kind?
"Do you guys think we have cool powers?" Seth said. "I mean, it can't just be those two, right? We just have to find out what they are!"
"Right." Scarlett, John, and Tara said in unison.
Scarlett, Seth, Tara, and John tried to find out their special powers. They tried and tried, but they couldn't seem to find out their powers.
"Rrrrg!" Scarlett said, furious. "Why isn't anything working!?"
Scarlett was frustrated and angry. For some reason, she got so angry that when she yelled she blew everyone to the ground!
"Scarlett!" John said. "Your power!"
"It's... wind?" Scarlett said. "That's so cool! I'm gonna go show Tanaka!"
Scarlett ran into Tanaka's hut and shouted really loud and it blew him back!
Tanaka struggled to get back on his feet.
"Sorry." Scarlett said giving Tanaka a hand . "Anyways, can I have a cool weapon like how Anna and Brenden got one.."
"Alright, come over here so I can give you your weapon. Or should I say, weapons."
"Huh?"
Tanaka held a case that said "Hurricane and Tornado". He opened it and inside were two uniquely designed daggers.
"Woah, cool!" Scarlett said. "These are mine now!"
"Yes, they're yours." Tanaka said. "They're called Hurricane and Tornado and were created by a great blacksmi-
"Yeah, yeah." Scarlett interrupted. "Thanks for the cool daggers!"
Scarlett ran out of the hut to show the others. Then she tripped.
"Ow!" Scarlett said. "What is this?"
She dug the place where she tripped at and found something unusual.
"Uh, guys?" She said. "Might wanna come over here."
The others ran over to Scarlett and saw what she was pointing at. It looked like an ancient relic. They brought it to Tanaka and he examined it.
"Good job Scarlett!" Tanaka said. "You found the first piece of the Sun Relic!"
"Sun Relic?" John asked. "What's that?"
"It's what we need to find to figure out who or what is giving you these dreams and making them come true."
"Wait." Brenden said. "How many pieces are there in the relic thingy."
"Five or six." Tanaka said. "That I know of."
"Do you know where they all are?" Tara said.
"That's the thing." Tanaka said. "Besides the one that Scarlett has in her hands, I only know where one more is. It's... a person who has it."
"Well, maybe they know where the others are!" Seth said. "Or at least one!"
"Let's hope so. But we can't just take it from them."
"Why not?" Brenden said.
"Let's just say, they own a pirate crew that kills on sight."
"Oh."
"So." Tanaka said. "Before we go to their crew to take the relic piece, we have to do three things."
"What are they?" Tara said.
"First of all, you, Seth, and John have to find out your powers. Second of all, you six have to train. Third of all, you guys have to figure out how you are going to steal the piece."
"Wait..." Brenden said. "Where is the training camp?"
They all looked around and there wasn't anything else around except Tanaka's hut.
"I'll show you guys some other time. Right now, you should be heading home."
They looked up at the sky and saw the moon rising.
"Wow!" Seth said. "It must be like, 8:00 or something! Okay then, bye!"
"Well, see ya Tanaka!" Brenden said.
"Bye Tanaka!" Anna said.
"Have a wonderful evening!" John said.
"See ya tomorrow!" Scarlett said.
"Goodbye!" Tara said.
They all went to their houses and then it was just Tanaka.
"Those kids are so cheerful." Tanaka said. "I guess they don't know about the adventures that await them."
Tanaka then went into his hut and pressed a button. There was a red flash and then the hut disappeared. Everyone saw the flash, but didn't pay attention to it and instead went to bed.

Reviews

[Marcel Darrow]

My Notes:
More details are needed- You mention Green Street, but what does Green Street matter? Is it a residential area? Near a school? Why are the characters there?
The old man comes out of nowhere, which is okay, but he’s given no details about what he looks like. His hut also has no description.
I would recommend adding action tags to break up the dialog. Doing this can also express how the people are feeling when certain things are said to them or when they say certain things. For example, if someone is frustrated, they tend to scrunch up their eyebrows/forehead while they speak. Also, dialog tags are only necessary when trying to convey a certain emotion or clarifying who is speaking in a crowded scene.
The concept of the sun being magical is sudden. The concept of magic is sudden, but I understand that you couldn’t really introduce it sooner. I feel like once magic is mentioned in a conversation, it would dominate the conversation as people who didn’t believe in magic would have to argue or reconcile their preconceptions of the world with the “truth.”
Also, sensei is just the word for teacher, so anyone in an educational role can be a sensei. It’s understandable that a kid would think “oh, ninjas,” but it would be odd that a Japanese man would just roll with it.
The snow part is super cool, very trippy.
I would love to know what their weapons looks like in more detail
It’s not uncommon to have people speak simultaneously, but when multiple people consecutively respond to things the same way, it’s hard to distinguish their characters. Like Scarlett seems to be a bit of a hothead, flies by the seat of her pants kind of person, so why would she say the exact thing as two other people? What would she really want to do in that moment?
It seems that Scarlett finds one of the sun relic rather suddenly (and humorously) by tripping over it. Did Tanaka own it or was it his? Why else would a sun relic be so close to the main cast in a narrative sense? It’s convenient that it’s here and allows Tanaka to explain the upcoming goals of the plot, but it seems out of place to be here as it is.
The pacing of this chapter is really fast, hitting narrative beats one after the other with no breathing space. It makes me want to keep reading, but I think it might be off-putting to some. Overall, I really enjoyed this chapter and just wished there were more details added.