So Alone

a girls feelings

   All she feels now is alone. Ever since she moved only an hour away from her hometown, she still felt so alone. Like there was nobody around to listen to her problems. Everything around her was blurry and seemed so fake now. All alone she sits in her empty apartment, asking herself what else could go wrong? She's realized that none of her friends are true to her. She feels like shes just being used. When they need to talk, she's there. No questions asked. But when she needs to let some things go, no one is around for miles. She's stuck in this constant state of going nowhere. Thoughts leading to sadness, and depression. All alone in her room is usually where it hits the hardest. Contemplating on suicide, then she quickly realizes that if this all passes then she would have nothing to show for it but a coffin and a headstone. That's not the way she wants to leave this world. A boyfriend could be helpful for her right now, just somebody to love and be able to call on anytime. Somebody that would listen. But as much as she tries, she can't get over her ex. The feelings for him are so deep. Not even a mother's love for her child could come close to her feelings for him. Although she's told him somewhat of how she feels, he doesn't seem to acknowledge it. He had been the only person to ever make her actually sit down and write her feelings just to keep them from bottling up. When she thinks of him, she gets angry. Not because the feelings towards him are of hatred, but because she knows she messed it up. So the anger that creeps in takes control and she hits things. If she doesn't, it will keep control. Just one more flaw to add to the list.

 

   Anger, and jealousy. Anger, coming from her home life. Her mother now acting the same way her father does, chooses the spouse over the daughter. Her father, before she moved, lived just a few streets away. Yet never came around to get to know her. He only called on holidays for her to come visit. But when she got there it always ended in disaster. Her stepmother would never accept that she was there. It was always like she was stealing the spotlight from her stepmother. Especially when her father would try to spend time. Her stepmother always had a feeling of being forgotten, even though she got to see her husband everyday but her stepdaughter only saw him on certain holidays. Her mother now acts similar. Only around when her husband is at work. Only spending time with her when there is no one else around. These are the things that make her life miserable and at times unbearable. The only person that can make her smile is the same person who broke her heart. Now she still talks to him, trying to make things right. Hoping they will get back together so that maybe, just maybe, one thing could go right in her life. All she needs is a friend. A true friend, unlike the ones she already has. Somebody that will understand where she is coming from and she used to find that in her ex. He was and still is her everything. People tell her to leave him alone but she wouldn't be able to live without him. There was apart of her that needed him. That part contained her most vital organs. There was nothing that could bring her to never speak to him again. She often finds herself looking out her window to see that moon, that inconsistent, ever changing moon. And hopes that he's looking at that same moon, thinking of her. He seems to be all she thinks about, day and night. It keeps her awake for many hours. She tries to rest but those memories always come rushing in and blocking out the thoughts of sleep and relaxation. She still keeps his jacket. Occasionally sleeping beside it, just hoping to catch his scent just one more time. When the memories finally allow her to sleep, she dreams of the future. She dreams of maybe being at peace with herself and her surroundings once again. All she can do now is read the text messages and hopefully convince him that she needs him, but at the same time try not to make him feel like he still has a choice. Still, it is all up to him.

 

   As the days roll on, he begins to open up to her. Saying that he was always there for her. Through all these situations. But yet he talks about other women to her, as friends. Like he shows interest, though he tells her they would never be able to steal him away. She will never trust them. Especially since she has never been fully acquainted with them. Unknowing if they have the physical beauty that she lacks. Unknowing if he has the same feelings for them as he says he does for her, if he says the same things to them as he says to her. Things to make her feel better and secure. Still, she lacks that feeling that is wanted so badly. She seizes every chance to hint that she's still madly in love. It seems to be working. He offered to take her out again, just to get used to being around each other. Seeing if the chemistry is still the same. She hopes for that fire to still be there, even if it's barely burning. She knows it'll be there. She now has no doubt.

Author's Note

It's not finished. Let me know if anything sounds funny or need to be reworded. haha

Reviews

[M. Amphet Salt]

All she feels now is alone. Ever since she moved only an hour away from her hometown, she still felt so alone. Like there was nobody around to listen to her problems. Everything around her was blurry and seemed so fake now. All alone she sits in her empty apartment, asking herself what else could go wrong? She's realized that none of her friends are true to her. She feels like shes just being used. When they need to talk, she's there. No questions asked. But when she needs to let some things go, no one is around for miles. She's stuck in this constant state of going nowhere. Thoughts leading to sadness, and depression. All alone in her room is usually where it hits the hardest. Contemplating on suicide, then she quickly realizes that if this all passes then she would have nothing to show for it but a coffin and a headstone. That's not the way she wants to leave this world. A boyfriend could be helpful for her right now, just somebody to love and be able to call on anytime. Somebody that would listen. But as much as she tries, she can't get over her ex. The feelings for him are so deep. Not even a mother's love for her child could come close to her feelings for him. Although she's told him somewhat of how she feels, he doesn't seem to acknowledge it. He had been the only person to ever make her actually sit down and write her feelings just to keep them from bottling up. When she thinks of him, she gets angry. Not because the feelings towards him are of hatred, but because she knows she messed it up. So the anger that creeps in takes control and she hits things. If she doesn't, it will keep control. Just one more flaw to add to the list.



Anger, and jealousy. Anger, coming from her home life. Her mother now acting the same way her father does, chooses the spouse over the daughter. Her father, before she moved, lived just a few streets away. Yet never came around to get to know her. He only called on holidays for her to come visit. But when she got there it always ended in disaster. Her stepmother would never accept that she was there. It was always like she was stealing the spotlight from her stepmother. Especially when her father would try to spend time. Her stepmother always had a feeling of being forgotten, even though she got to see her husband everyday but her stepdaughter only saw him on certain holidays. Her mother now acts similar. Only around when her husband is at work. Only spending time with her when there is no one else around. These are the things that make her life miserable and at times unbearable. The only person that can make her smile is the same person who broke her heart. Now she still talks to him, trying to make things right. Hoping they will get back together so that maybe, just maybe, one thing could go right in her life. All she needs is a friend. A true friend, unlike the ones she already has. Somebody that will understand where she is coming from and she used to find that in her ex. He was and still is her everything. People tell her to leave him alone but she wouldn't be able to live without him. There was apart of her that needed him. That part contained her most vital organs. There was nothing that could bring her to never speak to him again. She often finds herself looking out her window to see that moon, that inconsistent, ever changing moon. And hopes that he's looking at that same moon, thinking of her. He seems to be all she thinks about, day and night. It keeps her awake for many hours. She tries to rest but those memories always come rushing in and blocking out the thoughts of sleep and relaxation. She still keeps his jacket. Occasionally sleeping beside it, just hoping to catch his scent just one more time. When the memories finally allow her to sleep, she dreams of the future. She dreams of maybe being at peace with herself and her surroundings once again. All she can do now is read the text messages and hopefully convince him that she needs him, but at the same time try not to make him feel like he still has a choice. Still, it is all up to him.



As the days roll on, he begins to open up to her. Saying that he was always there for her. Through all these situations. But yet he talks about other women to her, as friends. Like he shows interest, though he tells her they would never be able to steal him away. She will never trust them. Especially since she has never been fully acquainted with them. Unknowing if they have the physical beauty that she lacks. Unknowing if he has the same feelings for them as he says he does for her, if he says the same things to them as he says to her. Things to make her feel better and secure. Still, she lacks that feeling that is wanted so badly. She seizes every chance to hint that she's still madly in love. It seems to be working. He offered to take her out again, just to get used to being around each other. Seeing if the chemistry is still the same. She hopes for that fire to still be there, even if it's barely burning. She knows it'll be there. She now has no doubt.

[RAWR!]

aww
it was a little rough but very clever,
and sad too :(
meow
i hope you keep on writing,
thanx for sharing

[M. Amphet Salt]

Bravo. Very good Brooke. You have done a very good job.

[Angela]

Brooke,
I think it is kind of sad and very thought provoking. It seems to say a lot of the things that many people feel, but will not voice. I understand it and can relate to it. This is pretty good. Please let me know when you have finished it, so that I can read the rest. Good work!!

[M. Amphet Salt]

OK... Brooxie. There is alot of things here, but read my other message. Its sad, and I leave it at that.

This is an outstanding story to be your first. It lacks some clarity in places, and there are some mechanic's going on, but nooooo misspellers... from what I read and I read it three times, so this is really great coming from a girl who is 16. Good Job let me know when you get the rest down. Just keep writing and learning.