Dreams of Hell

The unforgiving life

is the only part of me I know

All that I have lost

is surrounding me slowly

It won’t let me bring the things I want inside

but it insure’s to bring everything back that I hate

Is there any hope in life?

How about any chances?

Will god ever forgive me

and let me live the life I used to?

Or will he let me sleep through hell?

My soul is lost roaming freely through

the place I never thought it would go

Can my eye’s handle the darkness

that is brought upon me?

Or will I one day appear back to the place I love?

Let my soul grow apart from this nightmare

and let the sun shine through me forgivingly

Author's Note

This is a poem I wrote awile ago and recently just found in an old notebook

I know the grammer and rhythm isn't great, but please know that this is an old poem.
I would like your opinions on it and maybe help me improve it ?
thank you.

Reviews

[Tallulah]

This was very good and very dark! i liked it a lot.I enjoyed the whole idea of it. I think if you expanded on it it would make the poem even better but its not necessary.i really like the description too.

[krystal]

I love it. [:
It was amazing, very dark.

[Kelley]

what did you do that was so bad? Hummm
Never mind lol I liked it. Maybe you could use some more colorful words to make it even better. Just thinking out loud ......

Kelley

[better off]

this is wonderful, like this its deep, cool writ

[closed]

wow this is really good, beautifully deep. :) nice write.

[[untitled]]

DEEP

[perfectlymetiKulous]

Other than grammatical issues, I don't see any way you can improve upon this...
your imagery is fantastic, the struggle is evident, the longing, the poem almost reads as a prayer, a discussion with God about making things like they used to be...
Awesome.
Isn't it cool when you find something you've written a while back? I found my poem Mistress, and edited it a bit, and I wrote that poem at least ten years ago. :)