please.

i wrote this at 2:00AM in a moment of depression.

rejection of my desperate touch
sliced ribbons through my heart,
when hours i've been feeling cold
and wishing to go back to start;

months ago we were so fresh
and smiling with the light of love..
now bitter words and jealous glares
send my words pleading Her above.

our journey's only short begun
the end should linger far,
the promises must still be kept
that i wished that night upon the star.

so hold me close and soothe the hurt
instead of only sparking more;
our ship must still sail open seas;
my love, we must not come to shore.

Author's Note

Please critique. :)

Reviews

[SyberRose]

Nicely penned brit...and very touching words...SyberRose

[Faraway Sado]

wow. its really very beautiful. it actually has brought tears to my eyes. This happens a lot in real life but can you tell me why does this happen when you love the other person too much.

[Nick Reynolds]

Ah. 2:00 am writing is often the best I would say. This poem is awesome! I really like the word choice, especially "journey" "linger" "sliced ribbons". It's altogether a great poem. I also just want to comment that I love the titles of all your poems.

[Vincent Esprit FMI]

wow..the pain is present.....you have captured this image very well. I like the flow and the end is great!

regards,
vincent
www.esprit.aegauthorblogs.com