facade.

not everything lasts forever, even if you think it will..

“God, I missed you,” I mumbled, wrapping my arms around your torso. It had been weeks, almost a month, since we had last seen each, other and for a relationship where we saw each other nearly every day, I was having withdrawals.

A soft chuckle left your lips, “I missed you too.” You kissed the top of my head, your strong arms wrapping around me to give me one of your famous bear hugs.

I was genuinely the happiest person on earth with you by my side. The year and a half of waiting for you to share the same feelings had finally paid off, and you were mine at last. We would be making three months the next day and it was exciting to think that we made it that long.

“Wanna go out onto the roof?  I know I promised you we would when I got back.” I spoke, looking up into your beautiful brown eyes.

You nodded excitedly, “Yes!”

I laughed and walked to the open window, taking off the screen. “Come on.” I waved you over, going out the window first.

You were terrified when you climbed out onto the roof, but I gave you my hand, making sure you knew I wouldn’t let you fall.

We sat out there for hours, long enough to watch the sun set. Everything was perfect. There was the slightest tense feeling that hung in the air above us. Looking over at you I realized you were already staring back at me.

“You okay?

“Yeah. I’m just thinking.”

“About?”

“A lot.”

I did not want to push, but I felt like I should. “Like what?”

You shrugged. I was good at reading people and I knew you did not want to talk about it. Oddly enough, I was okay with that, because I was completely terrified as to what was on your mind. So I nodded and that was enough for you.

-

It was almost midnight when you were going to head home and me, being an idiot, made a joke about roof conversations being just as vulnerable and revealing as 3 AM conversations.

A small smile came to your face, “So I’ll call you at three, then,” you said simply, giving me a quick kiss before riding off on your bike.

What did I just get myself into?

-

That dreadful gap between the time you left, to the time you would call drove me insane. My thoughts gnawed away at my brain as if they were cannibalistic little fairies, eating anything in their path, until nothing was left. I tried watching the late night shows that always played on Nick, but the fairy’s buzzing just got louder and louder, making it impossible to do anything but listen to them. I’m not going to lie, I didn’t mind the fairy’s that were whispering positive things, like that you actually did mean it when you said that you wanted to be with me forever, but there were very little of those and as time dragged on the cannibals ate away at them too.

It was ten minutes till three; I can wait ten minutes without dying, right? WRONG! My heart was hammering in my chest, to the point where I thought it was going to jump out.

“Why are you so nervous? It is just a phone call, chill.” I mumbled to myself as I sat at the foot of my bed.

Looking at the clock I groaned, 2:56, four minutes. It was like time only flew by when I was moments from peeing myself or when I was stalling. I was pulled from my rapidly moving thoughts when my phone rang in my lap.

My heart stopped when I saw the time, it was exactly 3 o’clock. The one thing this boy was actually on time with.

“Hello,” I answered, pressing the phone to my ear.

“Hey,” you said simply, sounding a bit tired.

I sighed, “You know you could have just gone to bed if you were tired.”

I heard a bit of rustling on the other end of the call, “No,” you breathed, “I feel like you deserve to know what I was thinking about earlier, and what better time than now?”

There it was again, that feeling that strangled my heart earlier. “You don’t have to tell me. I don’t need to know everything you are thinking.” I stated, biting on my bottom lip.

It was silent for a while and now I actually wanted to know what you were thinking, it was driving me insane.

 “Fine, tell me.”  

The silence lasted a few more seconds before you started talking, “God, I love how close we are, and it’s just amazing because you are my best friend, my partner in crime,” You continued like this for what seemed like forever. You were beating around the bush and it was giving me anxiety, because I knew exactly where this was going.

“Stop trying to carefully take off the band aid and just rip it off. We both know where this is going, rip it off,” I said bluntly.

I could hear you sigh; you had probably run a hand over your face too. “You know I love our relationship, but I just feel like it’d be so much better if we were just friends.”

And there they were the words that I had been dreading to hear. But what could I do about it, besides accept it?

This isn’t some story about how I ended up hating you (don’t get me wrong I did hate you for a while) but then I realized how stupid that was. I couldn’t do anything about how you felt; I just had to accept it, which I did after some time.  This is a story about no matter how long you wait for someone, when you finally have them don’t be narrow minded to the things that could happen, because then you’re just living in a fantasy, avoiding all the bad or at least trying to. You have to accept that not every relationship is going to work out well, no matter how good things look because that could all be a façade on the other person’s part.  You just never realize it or you just don’t care because they give you this euphoric feeling and it’s the most amazing high you’ve ever had, and you don’t ever want to come down.