Selfish

I carved your name into a wooden bench

because better that than my own skin.

I’d rather listen to the sound of your bones break
than the sound of my own heart.

I like the taste of your tears

better than my own. 

I am a selfish lover.

Author's Note

Unsure if I want to add more or not to this poem, seems a bit unfinished to me. Any comments/ criticisms I would appreciate!

Reviews

[Lobster Goldberg]

It needs more without a doubt. The idea of a selfish lover is a good one. You really should expand on it with other examples of how it is all you.

[Briony Bryant]

Thanks for sharing your ideas, I'll definitely keep this in mind while working more on this poem.

[Antoñyo]

Wow...of course, as writers we often feel our work is incomplete or could be better...but when you get the 'Wow's, it's good enough. This was chillingly-good! If thoughts could kill...

Hope you don't mind but I'll be sending this out to recommend! (100/100)

Thanks for the share!

[Briony Bryant]

Wow thank you so much, you are too kind! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[Sami Khalil]

That was a strong message delivered or strong feelings felt...Bravo

[Briony Bryant]

Thank you!!!

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)

[zainul]

You want your lover to prove that he really loves you.
Good test indeed.

[Briony Bryant]

Thanks for reading!

[zainul]

You are most welcome.

[Horizons]

Being a human if keeping ourself safe from hurt, from tears and pain that love always gives than being a selfish lover's much protective and good i think. Nice flow of ink, theme's great, now a days .. in today's life, everybody's hurting everyone so... it's good to keep ouself protective from hurt by wearing a suite of selfish lover coz, if you're not selfish now a days then your eyes'll not get find any path of happiness but filled with tears only. Selfishness doesn't mean to hurt anyone but to safe onseself from being hurt. Until you don't feel that your tears're not imp. than filling the someone's special's eyes with tears, being selfish is yer right now but as you get find that someones' tear's right and more than youse, you'll get find the true love then you'll forget all selfishness cos, then at that time you'll find the beauty of love how love makes the life beautiful....

anyway, yeh..as a comment i wrote above few words and now as a criticism ..neh, i don't think there's any ... but as a suggestion i'd love to say that .. you should write something more on it and continue it. Yeh, this poem's super and well finished i know and that's why everyone'd love to read some more on it .. cos this's a beautiful, painful, an emotional and a well structured poem in a few words. Write on dear, you can write. I liked this piece... so, am gonna save it right now in my folder and gonna fav. it and keep it in my library ;) Brilliant work as always!

[Briony Bryant]

Thank-you! I am definitely going to work more on this one, I'm not sure exactly what I want to do with it yet but I want to be able to add more to this idea. Thank-you for your comments, they are always appreciated and I'm glad that you enjoyed this poem, thanks for reading!

[Wolfwind]

Hmm... I think that in terms of completion, the only line that I personally would change would be the last one. Turn it into a question, rather than a statement, that will make the reader reflect on a deeper level... Such as "Is it wrong to be a bit selfish?" Or something like that.

I think the overall theme works for those who've been through the ringer of love and are just plain fed up with all the crap that they have to go through. I could certainly relate to the piece and thought, you've given me an offical reason for why wooden park benches exist. ;) The second two lines takes me into a wonderfully crunchy place, a mix of dislocated rice crispys and bloody popcorn. One could make a horror move alone out of those two lines.

So in the end, I think that one finds that tasting others tears is far more rewarding upon the pallet, than their own. Thus they get to that, expert taster status and can honestly say to someone, "I'm sorry, I'm leaving, your tears a not a sweet at I like. You should have spent a bit more time on the vine."

Life's like wine... I guess.

Thanks for sharing your ink! =) Always something to sink my thoughts into.

Aaron - Wolfwind

[Briony Bryant]

Thank-you for your comments! I'm going to do some editing to this one, so I will take your ideas into consideration. Thanks for reading, glad you liked it!