Hush

The lullaby for a misunderstood child.

Hush little baby, don't say a word,

So sorry Momma can't buy you a mockingbird. 

 

Hush little baby, don't you cry,

Momma wishes she could give you the sky.

 

Hush little baby, please don't weep,

Turns out giving you the world isn't so cheap.

 

Hush little baby, I know it's not funny,

That the kids at school can tell we don't have money.

 

Hush little baby, I like your clothes,

They're patched together but no one knows. 

 

Hush little baby, I taped the holes in your shoes,

Where in the world did you get that bruise?

 

Hush little baby, I'll mend your jeans,

They obviously don't know what ugly means.

 

Hush little baby, while I hold you tight,

As you cry yourself to sleep in my arms at night.

 

Hush little baby, they don't know what they've done,

And as for sympathy, they have none. 

 

Hush little baby, I gave all that I could give,

To find a better place for you and I to live.

 

Hush little baby, you have to go to school,

Even if you will never be cool.

 

Hush little baby, Momma's always here,

Don't listen to the whispers that you overhear. 

 

Hush little baby, don't be scared,

You're the piece of heaven God and I share. 

 

 

Author's Note

A poem from a mother's point of view told to her child. I hope you like it! Any and all feedback would be appreciated, and if you know of a contest this could/should be entered in, please let me know! Also, please do send me read requests! It is hard for me to return the favor to everyone without them! I will make sure to read them and leave reviews!

Reviews

[SuspectGray]

Personally I would tighten this up a little to help the flow. The rhyming is good (I do like to rhyme as I enjoy the structure). For the lines after the ones starting with "Hush little baby" try counting the syllables making those lines all the same length.

Other than that...I think we can all relate to bullying for what ever reasons kids choose to bully.

[dan]

Brinleigh, This piece is stunning in its raw truth; not all kids are advantaged to be wearing new Nikes and the hot stylish jeans; carrying a bag lunch can yield taunts from other kids in the cafeteria lines. It's been a long time since I was a kid but I remember vividly the cruelty of others because I WAS one of those with stitched-together clothing and bag lunches. My compliments for your stark portrayal of those with less. take care...dan

[HipsterPrincess17]

Powerful poem and beautifully written.
I love the flow.
very emotional as well.
awesome job!

[Shawna]

This is absolutely beautiful! :) I love the take you took on the lullaby and the tone of a struggling mother just trying to do her best for her child is spot on. Very lovely piece.

[PANDORA]

Clever to use this memorable lullaby to express the struggle of a mother. I think maybe you pushed the rhyme a little to much..for example:

Don't listen to the whispers that you overhear.--maybe simply the rhyme a little..
"Don't listen to the whispers you hear."

Hope this helps. :-)

[Indra Neil]

wow! a profound and poignant write! wonderful usage of poetic devices!! well done!!

[Beccy]

It's what we mothers do best.

Beautifully articulated poem.

Beccy.

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

I lost somewhere in the memories during this read. I take this has a beautiful song sung by a mother for her child. Very nice!

[Nadia B.]

Beautiful twist to an old lullaby. You have an excellent eye and penmanship that is able to evoke a very real and deep emotion. The repetition ties the poem in well together and I enjoyed the manner in which you captured the moment of the story. Only one small suggestion on something to play around with, please don't change the original as I really enjoyed it, but perhaps in the telling of the story have it begin with an introduction, maybe a plot twist in the center or some climactic moment, and then perhaps a moral ending? See how that changes the way in which you read the poem. Also the title is very clever, it hints and it foreshadows without giving everything away at the start, and it ties in with the entire poem, adding to the use of repetition. Thank you for sharing, please keep writing!

[Devons]

The combination of theme and format here works brilliantly, I have to say. Using the 'mockingbird' lullaby as its template is a splendid idea and it has been executed really well. It adds another dimension to the innocence contained within that song: going beyond it and bringing a sense of realism and modernity to balance with its original tradition in rhyme.
Great concept, and delivered with immense charm and humanity.