I'd Rather Be in Your Arms

How To: Turn a school assignment into a feel trip c:

I would rather not know when I’m going to die

Because we all know about deadlines

They sneak up faster than you think

And I don’t want people thinking

I’m like milk

With this expiration date

Looking at me

Like I’m slowly spoiling

I’d rather die at any moment

From something stupid

Like kissing the one I love under the rain

Or skateboarding down a hill going forty miles per hour

Or writing this poem in fact

I’d rather be deaf

Than blind

So I don’t have to hear

Of all of the sadness

And the heartbreak

And the rumors

And the lies

Society seems to be

Thriving on this day in age

I’d rather be deaf

So when I look at you

I can read your face

And figure out how you truly feel

Rather than just hear your words

Which you so skillfully use

To mask how your shy self truly feels

About me

And yourself

I’d rather be incredibly beautiful and extremely stupid

Than unattractive and intelligent

Because

With intelligence

Comes understanding

And I’d rather be drowned in compliments

And not know what is happening around me

Than be smart enough to understand

That this society

Shames the ugly

Into thinking

That they aren’t

Anywhere near

Good enough

The most intelligent people

Are usually the most depressed

Because they have grasped

What’s happening around them

And that’s what pushes them

Over the

edge

But, I’d rather

Marry someone unattractive and intelligent

Because I know what it’s like

To over analyze

And know what society is really telling me

About myself

So I would rather marry someone intelligent

Because they're smart enough to know

When they have a good thing

In their hands

I would rather rewind life, rather fast forward,

because every moment

is a new surprise

and I seem to always catch myself

wishing I could go back and change

what could have easily been avoided

I would rather fly, than be invisible

Because

I was invisible for too long

And I’ve wanted to fly ever since

I saw Spider-Man

When I was ten

He’s still

My favorite superhero

And also, I would rather

Sing everything I had to say

Rather than be mute

Because singing

Well, singing is like

Your voice

Becoming the waves crashing

And your throat and mouth become the shore

Your stomach is the swell

Where it came from

Building up and bellowing out

Up to my neck

Where the vibrato comes in

And the wave starts dancing on the back of my tongue

Until I finally release

A tsunami

Of sound

But lastly, I would rather spend every minute with you

Creating adventures

Than know when I’m going to die

And I would rather be deaf,

Because seeing you express your love

Will always be better than hearing it

I would rather rewind time

So I can go back to those days that I solidified

How I felt for you

And how you just blushed

I would rewind to those all-nighters

Where we would sit and talk

About nothing

And about everything

I would fly us to the moon and back

Just to show you

How

Even that journey

Does not amount to how much

I love you

And I would sing everything I had to say to you

Forever and on

Because life is much happier in song

With the one person who wants to make you sing

Reviews

[Elwyn]

I honestly have no idea why you never wrote free verse before, because as it turns out, you have a knack for it! For reals though, both your rhymes and you free verse are just so absolutely stunning. If you're turning this in for a grade (which is what I think the description is implying) consider adding some spaces in between lines. For example, give every "I would rather" its own stanza up until the closing stanza (which is so killer I can't stand it). You have a really great opening line because it seriously piques the reader's interest instantaneously! You also have some INCREDIBLE metaphors and similes here (and we both know about my love for comparisons).

"And I don’t want people thinking
I’m like milk"

Ok, are you ready for this? It's kind of a huge chunk of excerpt but it really has to be in here because IT IS THAT AMAZING:
"singing is like
Your voice
Becoming the waves crashing
And your throat and mouth become the shore
Your stomach is the swell
Where it came from
Building up and bellowing out
Up to my neck
Where the vibrato comes in
And the wave starts dancing on the back of my tongue
Until I finally release
A tsunami
Of sound"
like wow, the imagery here is incredibly strong.

The bit about spider-man adds some humor to this piece and really lets the reader into your life. Your poetry has a profound sense of intimacy to it that cannot be replicated.

You bring this poem to a lovely close with a reaffirmed conviction that you would definitely not like to know when you're going to die. You recap this so brilliantly that I can't express how wonderful it is.

Apart from my actual critique, you should really put warning signs on your poems if they're going to trigger any facial capillaries because it's almost painful. I look forward to a Fall River adventure, and a boston one, and every single one that may appear EVER! I feel slightly guilty about the all-nighters (since you were basically trashed that following day). But on the other hand, there was no other way that I'd want to spend any of those hours.

[bringthestoke]

Wow, talk about goin' ham on this review ;) I really appreciate gow much you went into it and analyzed it, instead of just saying it was "good" like other people. Your reviews and comments and critiques make my day 1000000x better :) and i already passed this in 2 weeks ago, I just decided to finish it and post it here. I definitely would have taken the advice though! Thanks love :)