Daylight

a 4am poem written in total darkness expressing inner darkness.... and inner light

1. when daylight breaks,
   
2. so do I-
   
3. though my cracks are not visible to the untrained eye.
4. everything spins, jolts, aches- 
   
5. as if deep inside me lies the greatest of earthquakes.
   
6. but I am not mother nature.
   
7. I do not have rose gardens flourishing in my soul or sand dunes building in my bones for the world to walk on-
   I simply have overactive emotions and a sickening sadness in knowing that life is really all that it is.
   my 4 am poems are just 4 am poems that will never make it to a book and my concentrated vision and frantic mind still mistook for that of a fool-
   all because I left my mind to rule, instead of my heart.
   how easy it is to tear myself apart, like frayed lace.
   when daylight breaks, so do I.
   in the face of defeat,
   i shatter my demise.

Author's Note

I don't really know why the numbers are there but I can't get them to go away so I apologize

Reviews

[Quickbeam]

I like the creativity here, the imagery of writing early in the morning tired (and for me buzzing with coffee). Its like reading a brain storm. First its structured and then it simply takes off and actually becomes allot more honest and relate-able . My 4am poems are very much the same. Keep it up :-)

[Monatora]

4am poems. I can relate :)
"When daylight breaks, so do I"
This line made me feel, I don't know how to explain it. It just connected with me.
I think I'm in love with the imagery in this poem.
I found the rhythm in the poem a bit jarring/choppy at points and I had some suggestions if you wanted to change it (But it's fine the way it is!).

When daylight breaks
So do I
My cracks lie unseen by the untrained eye
Everything spins and jolts and aches
As if deep within a monster quakes/breaks

I hope you like the suggestions :)
Oh and about the numbers?
Try and see whether they are bullet points.
While editing your work you'll see in the toolbar there is a button for bullet points. Maybe try highlighting your poem then clicking the bullet point button. That might make the numbers disappear.
:)
- Monatora

[Bri-lynn]

I seriously appreciate the constructive criticism! It was supposed to be a bit choppy though I do love your rendition of it!(: and oh my gosh thank you so much haha I truly didn't understand why it was like that

[Bri-lynn]

Okay, so I tried looking for the bullet point button you spoke of and there isn't one :( I've tried other methods to make the numbers go away and it hasn't worked so I guess I'm stuck with them haha

[Monatora]

Thanks! I'm glad you found the review constructive :)
I'm so sorry about the numbers though :(
Don't worry though, I actually thought it was intentional at first. That you put it in there to add a controlled/methodical/repetitive quality to it.
Haha!

[Amrita]

Beautiful composition..! So relatable..! Keep writing:)

[Bri-lynn]

Thank you so much ! (: