Dance

You trampled my heart; lay waste my soul

Leaving me broken; shattered on the ground

I fight the melancholy; hold disdain for the tears

These are the tools for the weak

 

A tentative foothold; precariously perched

Ascending higher; gazing ever skyward

My heartbeat steady; my soul stalwart

These are the weapons of the strong

 

The Man in the Moon smiles

As I find the summit once more

Spreading my wings

I dance

 

Reviews

[SPINNING ON that dizzy ..]

Coming to terms and deciding to move ahead and say - it is what it is.... here I go forward. To decide you are stronger in what you have overcome - can't be all bad.... Nice bit of advice and I like the visual of spreading your wings and dancing with the man in the moon..... I say good night to him every night!

Kath

[Dezaraye]

That's how I get through life, too ... I dance.

This is a beautiful piece. I love it!

[Philosophile. (Maddy)]

This was a really beautiful poem. I love how you talk about sadness in the past tense, highlighting how you've moved past those feelings. You switch into discussion of your own strength, and this was really powerful.
"The Man in the Moon smiles

As I find the summit once more

Spreading my wings

I dance"

These final lines meant a lot to me as I think of my own struggles and how I have (and some I still need to) overcome them.
Thank you for sharing this with us!

[jkhatz]

Redemption - such a wonderful subject. Wish more poetry read like this.

[M. Schnarr]

Far out, a very nice piece of work. You have contained an emotional hurricane into a short poem rather then letting emotions manifest a poetic hurricane.

[James.]

Hah, that's really really nice. Excellent word choice, I have to say. I like it a lot. I'm loving some of the poetry you've got on here, by the way. Keep it up!

[Mysty Rayn]

Very powerful. I loved it!

[T]

I enjoyed this poem sweetie! You took me through different phases with each stanza ... Wonderfully written and very empowering ... hugs

[nocturnalbeast]

Powerful expression.
Beautiful.!

[*** Hey Jude***]

You have shown with this strong expression of life's pain that the powerful spirit within that you carry will over-come.
Spread your wings and fly high as you dance with this life as you show others the choice to live in strength and love is theirs alone! ~ Jude xo

[Rick Puetter]

Dear BrightEyes,

A wonderful poem of assension.

Just a few comments. I find the semicolons very distracting and I think they hinder your flow. With the presence of the semicolons I'm looking for complete sentences. Sometimes they're not there. Other times you need to go to the next line to complete the thought, which then ends in the middle of the line. Since there is no rhyme or meter scheme, if you want full sentences, why not put them all on the same line. But I'd select to lose most of the semicolons.

At the end of the first stanza, you write "These are the tools for the weak". This should probably be "tools of the weak", but then they aren't really tools either. How about "These are the crutches of the weak"?

The second stanza is very strong. Only the semicolons disturb me again.

In the final, triumphant stanza, I find the moon smiling to be a bit weak. It should be more than a mere smile. Also "As I find" is also weak. To be truly triumphant you must "gain" the peak or "achieve" the peak, or something to that affect. I also am a bit disturned by "I spread my wings / I dance". Spreading wings and dancing are both wonderful concepts. The first suggesting that you are ready for new achievements and the later that you have achieved overwhelming joy of spirit. However the two ideas clash because the two lines back to back almost suggest that the wings might be used in the dancing, and this, I suspect, you do not mean to suggest.

I think that all my comments can be addressed very easily.

This was a very uplifting poem. Kudos!

Very best regards,

Rick