The Black River

The black river calls to me,

promising relief.

A sad, dark harmony

filling me with grief.

I follow sound blindly

with nowhere else to turn,

when something from behind me

grabs me, and it burns.

"A day will come; a cold, dark day

when all your pain will leave you.

Until that day; that lonely day,

emotions do deceive you.

"You'll think you've found a special thing

that fills your life with joy,

but in the end that special thing

will turn out to be coy."

But still the black river calls to me,

with its promise of relief.

That sad, dark harmony

that fills me with such grief.

Reviews

[Tai Ryens]

The simplicity of this poem is actually kind of good, it fits with the concept. I'm interested in hearing this read aloud. Yes, I do like the last stanza, how you ended it, it seemed to fit along with the rest of the poem. May I ask why the first stanza's rhyming scheme doesn't fit along with the rest of the poem? It was all rhyming every two lines except for the first one, and that kind of ruins the flow in my opinion. Despite that, it's still quite a good poem.

Edit: Great, haha, it fits in quite well, except the fact that it is the only line not highlighted. The line itself is great, it fits in with the rest of the poem. Great job

[Lily Mae]

Excellent write.. I like the poem and the style.. You penned these emotions well..x

[Daniel DeLorez]

@Kruppz: Thank you. :) And I wouldn't say that I have a "doomed" sense of life... I'm actually a fairly optimistic person in reality. I guess it's just my style of writing. I'm not sure why...

[Kruppz]

Very poetic with a perfect rhyme scheme. I don't share your views about life though. Seems like you have a doomed sense of life. And if that's in fact what you intended to convey, you've done so. Good job!

P.S. Your poems are worth reciting out loud.

[Daniel DeLorez]

@Nath: Thank you. :) It may be a morbid outlook on life, but a fairly accurate one nonetheless. I'm glad that you enjoyed it.

[Nath]

I like how the last stanza picks up on the first - rounds off the poem really well as well as symbolizing that in the end, the call of life is what is strongest.
The black river being the symbol for life fits quite well, too, in my opinion.
Overall a very good poem!

[Daniel DeLorez]

@Tai You have a point. I didn't really plan what I was going to write, so it wasn't very well thought out. I'll see what I can do to fix that.

Thanks for your constructive criticism. :) I appreciate it.

Revision: It's been fixed. :) Hope you like it.