Chapter I: Ellaina's Vision

Chapter I: Ellaina's Vision

From the journal of Ellaina Vilder, Princess of Dunburg.

The nights have always had a way of bringing about a feeling of disparity in me, but last night I felt a terror more crippling than I have ever experienced in my life.

The night itself was nothing out of the ordinary. It had been a fine day, quite uneventful. My father spent the better part of it communing with the noble men and women of his court, leaving me to my quarters alone with my books. I fell into slumber at an earlier hour than usual, and slept most of the night without a disturbance.

It was sometime in the early morning, just before sunrise, when I awoke to a maddening feeling of horror. At first, I thought that perhaps the castle was under siege, but I soon discovered that it was something far more disturbing.

I quickly realized that I could not move. I found myself frozen to my bed, staring helplessly at the ceiling. Time seemed to stand still for a moment, and then my consciousness slipped out of my body altogether. I found my vision rising above the bed and towards the ceiling before turning itself towards the window. I could smell death and decay from some distant land and I knew in an instant that this was my destination. Something sinister was calling me, drawing me towards it like a moth to the flame.

I had no control over anything that was happening. Before I had time to grasp the situation, my consciousness was swept out the window--no, through it-- and into the dark night. I was heading east and slightly north, across the plain lands towards Scarlett's Reach. I managed to catch a glimpse of Zabridia's white towers out of the corner of my eye as I passed. It soon became apparent where I was heading--to the Blasted Lands, where evil breeds and hope fails.

I could feel the cold chill of the winter night, though it paled in comparison to that sense of dread that overcame me.

Author's Note

This is still a work in progress. I decided to switch back to my original idea of starting with the vision of the black storm (I know, I need to make up my mind).

Reviews

[Sira YR]

I like this prologue. It really makes me wanna read more. There are a few grammatical errors but the plot is great and those errors can be fixed in editing.

In the first paragraph you have already stated that your knowledge of the Forgotten Age is quite removed so to say "So little is known..." might be a little redundant. You could keep it, but i don't really know. Also, you should kind of change the wording of that sentence because it really doesn't sound right. You could change it to: "For example, we are ambivalent as to how long this age lasted, making it impossible to count the years on our calenders."

The second and last error that I spotted (which was not a big one) is the unnecessary comma you have after So (at the beginning of the second paragraph).

All in all, great story and I cannot wait to read more. Keep it up! :)

[Daniel DeLorez]

I appreciate you taking the time to review this work-in-progress.

I'll take your suggestions into consideration, though I'm still unsure as to how I can make the first paragraph more readable. I can see your point and respect your opinion, but this will take some thought to revise. I'll definitely have to come back to that one.

As for the second thing you pointed out, using a comma after "So" in the beginning of the sentence was wholly intentional. I do realize that in the traditional style this is considered improper, but when taken into context this piece is not and should not be traditional.

In the beginning of the prologue you'll see the first line that says "From Izsa Cane's 'Ozkimon.'" The Ozkimon is a book that Izsa wrote with the intent of educating the young elves of Illutayah in the history of the world, rather than just the history of their own culture. It is meant to be read to the children by their teachers, and thus is written in a sort of spoken word format. In this scenario, using a comma after the word "So" when it comes in the beginning of a sentence is in fact an acceptable thing to do (though not necessarily the only acceptable thing to do). This is actually the way that I plan to write the majority, if not all, of the books.

I realize that a lot of what I just said is based on context that has yet to be mentioned, so I do understand the confusion and appreciate your feedback nonetheless.

Perhaps try reading the text aloud, and maybe you'll understand where I'm coming from. Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it and I hope you'll continue to read more as I publish it.

[Sira YR]

Oh, I understand now. Can't wait to read more