The Ninth

This is the story abot the lost Roman legion. They went to war, never came back, no one knows what happened to them, and this is just what I think happened.

Beyond the sky's gloomy rain,

Past the praires and wild grass,

The begining of this story of pain,

Were in the sun shone colors of brass.

 

The soldiers began their journey with hope uncertain,

As home they left behind,

While on their sholders burdoned,

Gray eyes that turned blind,

 

Strength pursued by yearning tears,

As ashes made dreary the streets,

For dead are their fathers dear,

Because they believed there is no honor in deceits.

 

The soldiers are followed by a fear that is great

For their enemy, sheds no tears to kill,

And can make others take the bate,

After they see his cold coins spill.

 

And trophied on his wall are eagle eyes,

That were turned from gold to silver,

Looking at ghosts with heavy sighs,

Weeping justice and its believer.

 

And now their master has a new prize to gain,

A prize leading an army, on a pole of gold,

One without lies,that is it's bane,

And it was given grace, with honor bold.

 

And with deceit in his face he grabs his sword,

From his bloodied sheath,

And on his face the mask, repulsed by the lord,

With a scowl underneath.

 

He goes to the soldiers camp, in the whisper of the night,

And finds the tent of kingly attire,

He slays the sleeping form, and grabbs his wanted sight,

And flees with what he wanted to aquire.

 

And now the eagle sits, on a rotten board,

Rusted and broken from its perch,

Weeping for the lost war, won by the curse of the sword,

Which turned once golden oak, to blackened berch.

 

And by the early hour of dawn,

When the mist is whisked by the moonlight,

The long lost soldiers go to were they belong,

They chose to fight, and gained their sight.

 

Now, listen to me and learn,

Honor may take you to your end,

But legend will make you a hero,

And the poets will tell your story.

Author's Note

this is an open-verse poem, its not very good, but tell me what you think!

Reviews

[paparapapa]

It's great! and it's really cool that you only imagined that this is what happened. And for me, this is really a hard subject to talk about, but you did great! And I love the rhymes! :)) It also has a good flow and good imagery. Great write. Keep on writing. ;)

[The Scholar]

Incredible!
I loved the poem, and I think it's awesome that you made up the history. :)

[An owl on the moon]

This has such a feel of the great epics... the song of lives full of vigor and courage, fading into history... yet their echoes ever moving on. Powerful and profound.

[Seshat Nidaba]

You have a very good feel for cadence and pacing, the first and second to last stanzas were my favorite.

Your ability to rhyme is far above average. Some of your lines are awefully fine like:

1. Strength pursued by yearning tears,

As ashes made dreary the streets

[Coyote Poetry]

I like this poem. You gave me a history lesson. History is my favorite topic. Wars of old were hard and few survive on the losing side. Especially if they were Romans. I like how you told this tale. A very good ending to a excellent poem.
Coyote

[Hoosier Belle]

This write is really amazing and powerful, found some truth in this as well.
Very poetic piece. Nicely done!

[Aianarie (INACTIVE)]

GREAT job, Bridget! A fantastic tribute to an interesting piece of history. The rhymes are well chosen, the language is brilliant, and the pace is exciting.

Keep it up!

[Wolfwind]

I like it! :) The story is told, it's images come through in a good sequence as the piece flows down the page. I really enjoyed how you brought across the emotions of those within the motion of the overall story.
I felt like I was there upon a cliff,looking down upon the scenes.

Keep up the ink! :)
Aaron

[Naomi]

I loved this.
The detail was great and this is definitively going into my favorites :P