Depression

Living with the pain of an unrecognized mental illness

I

Depression

A pit of darkness

Looming shadows

Across your face.

Every day's the same.

Walking in a slumber

Time stands still

Your physical being

Is here, but your

Soul is long gone.

No one can see that you are strong.

How can you belong?

Faces blur, no meaning.

Fake a smile to hide your shame

No one cares, or knows your name.

They aren't the ones to blame.

II

Wake up, O dreamer

You scream in fear.

Why am I here?

Trapped, no control.

Emotions cold

This isn't you;

Dark creature forming.

Time.  Time passes

Unmercifully, cruel

Slow motion controls

Visions of demons

Where angels had tread.

Heart beats a race

Hide your face

Can't watch fate

take all you have away.

Thought you had it all

Before the fall

On your knees

Crumbling.

Cursing the heavens

Muttering.

Can't win the fight

Don't have the strength.

Life became a battlefield

Fighting for every breath you take.

Mistake?

III

No one must know

How you feel,

Although its real

They will think you're weak.

Anger floods through

at yourself, the world,

those you love.

You wake up to find

You've done nothing but shove

Them away.

Smiling at every cruel word you say

Nothing in this life is okay.

Instead of feeling remorse

Anger runs through your blood

Again, you curse.

The words spilling outside your mouth

Do not reflect the contents of the heart.

It's not you who says those things,

and yet, who?  Have you really become

A monster?

IIII

Denial

A smile

Trying to make everything worthwhile

I can fix the brokenness

Lend me glue

And a hammer.

Don't need to run

Just pretend its ok

Then maybe one day

You will wake up and

It will have gone away.

That's what they want you to say.

Hope.

What is this

but the very reason

To keep existing

when you're not living

But waiting for the real life

To begin.

How will this end?

Will life become a foe?

A friend?

Will it extend it's hand in charity?

Or will you cease to breathe?

V.

The grave will mock

your dignity.

So life must be the plea

Innocent, not guilty.

No matter how hard it is

Keep fighting.

As long as your head is over water

No one can say you are drowning

Smile, and cease your frowning

Even though your heart is pounding

VI

You live each moment

Unable to control

The darkness lurking

in the shadows.

Like a spider web ebbs

The bitterness weaves

A pattern on your soul

That never leaves.