You Loved Him More

Growing up with a drug addicted brother

His cries were full

Of anger and pain

Roaring likes waves that toss

And turn but never hold still.

Wild eyes which bore

No contempt; for he who lived there

Was there no more.

His inner execution rang

Like bells for all to hear

and see.

I watched both your hearts bleed.

A flowing river of red stained glass

You rushed to pick up his chards

Broken on the floor.

Once you loved us both until the day

You loved him more.

The walls of my heart were fighting

To keep the river of destruction which was anguish

Locked inside.

You looked at me like a fellow soldier

Dismissing the child which still

Lingered inside.

Your sorrow washed my sleeve when it

Should be the other way around.

I was left all alone the day my heart

Went crashing to the ground.

And like the tinkling of a bell

My inner cries barely made a sound.

You smiled at  me grateful for my hands

And my shoulders for support.

Our mission was him, that's all you saw.

My voice was silenced slow and sure.

I used to think you loved us both until

You loved Him More

I was drowning before my voice

Could even echo out a sound.

I prayed to God to rescue me

There was no one else around.

And although I was laughing, on the inside I was gone

And I would cry a thousand rivers

Because I knew that I was not

The same girl I once was, no not

The girl I was meant to be.

I was the only one who could even see

The effects this war had had on me

For many days I mourned her

I knew that she was dead

And just like him I fought with demons

That consumed my joy, replaced it with dread.

I'm so proud of how strong you are, you said.

Too blind to see how weak I was instead.

I figured I couldn't truly be trying

If the end result was my spirit dying.

So to the rest of mankind I was laughing, denying

And only in my room I broke down crying.

He was running around in the dead of night

Making love to rebellious danger

I was standing in the dark

Surrounded by uninvited strangers

Who decided he got to be the one

To get away with stealing the sun?

I never felt true pain before

Until the day I knew you loved him more.

My mind became a prison cell

My pain slashed up my arm

To the outside world there was nothing

To suggest any sign of harm.

I faked it well, I hid my tears

Pretending that I knew no fears

Although my inner light was dead and gone

I had no choice but to linger on.

I was cast out in the shadows

Although I only wanted the sun

You were the sun but your light

Could only shine on the heart of one.

And even to this day I can't ignore

It's obvious you love him more.

Like a helpless bird that knows no flight

You took away his arms to fight

Bearing them upon yourself

His demons slowly rose and fell

But I learned to fight mine on my own

I've been fighting battles you'll never know

Are your eyes really too blind to see

The life has been drained out of me?

You’re the lighthouse that doesn't light my shore

That which you once loved you love no more.

Reviews

[Jamestown]

Unbelievable piece of work, I am so impressed at this moment, thanks for sharing.

[Bridea Mai]

Thanks for the kind feedback and taking the time to read it, I really appreciate it ^.^