a peace of mind

a peace of mind

A Poem by Gail

Today is just yesterday's tomorrow,

But a lot has changed throughout the years,

We've got kids crying, fitting, and putting their parents in sorrow,

As the media nests in their ears.

 

Everything is mumbo jumbo now,

With technology, politics, and sex anymore,

The world used to be peaeful,

Simple,

With nothing really to ignore.

 

Nowadays, we have computers for everything,

but what happened to before?!

Where kids were rarely obese

from playing outdoors!

 

What happened to family time,

Laughing and talking about their day,

While now people don't give a crap

About what to hear or what to say.

 

I don't like this world has become,

I want time to stand still!

Can't we enjoy what we have NOW

instead of going to the next big thrill?!

 

 

© 2011 Gail


My Review

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Reviews

Wow. The idea behind this poem is fantastic and so true. Your rhyme scheme did give the poem a smooth flow, although, I do second Summer's review: I think some of the words would be better off substituted for something else. I have to add though, the idea and theme of the poem is so undebatably true. Nice write!

Also, don't delete your writings ;) There's a writer inside you that's waiting to be discovered...it just might take people a while to see. Keep up the awesome poetry and I hope to read more from you in the future!

Posted 13 Years Ago


Gail-

NOOO!!! Never do that. One of my pieces, which I consider one of my very best, has under 30 views. I still never took it down and I'm very thankful for the two ( possibly three?) comments I received! Right now, you're unknown and waiting to be discovered. :) Review other's works and people will return the favor.

This poem wasn't bad but it could do without some of the words, " crap ", I'm not a hyper-sensitive person to the word "sex." but I think there are more artistic ways you can allude to it. I actually had a review all typed out for you with how I would've done things but I lost it due to an unfortunate hard-drive crash last Sunday. You just need some more practice. I really loved the message of the poem though and I do agree!

Keep it going love.

-Summer

If you had ratings I'd give it a *75*.
Don't be afraid to let people rate. :) You might get the feedback you never expected.

Posted 13 Years Ago


Well, it looks like no one likes this poem, so I guess I will delete it in a couple days.

Posted 13 Years Ago


Not my best work, I admit, it sucks :S

Posted 13 Years Ago


Oops! Typo in the last stanza, my bad

Posted 13 Years Ago



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Stats

366 Views
15 Reviews
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on November 28, 2011
Last Updated on November 28, 2011

Author

Gail
Gail

Valdosta, GA



About
I love music ALOT, rock and roll :P, my favorite bands are Metallica, Pink Floyd, and many others :P I love to write poetry when I'm REALLY in the mood too, same with my stories. Everything I write ha.. more..