Lovely Poetry

I truly loved this world,

though it never loved me

nor did she,

such a beautiful girl...

Her words were as

a lonely river

flowing in a world

made of broken glass

Her eyes glistened

in the moon-lit sky

as two serene jewels,

stars in the night…

The way her beauty

could take my,

my breath away,

there was nothing left,

nothing more

to say, except...

I loved her,

but she did not love me

I wished to hold her,

but she could never see,

that I was here,

forever and always

until my final breath

was stolen away,

by her words,

her lovely poetry...

Reviews

[Adam Whitworth]

thats good going, well done

[RiverRei]

Another amazing piece. It immediately made me wish and think and hope that it was me and my work that you were talking about. I'm not deceiving myself into thinking it is though, because I have no idea and don't want to make a fool of myself lol.

Anyways! This is such a sweet write. If you ever had to go through this, I'm sorry because it is so hurtful to have your love unrequited. Thank you for sharing this with me!

[dan]

To love someone or something that is unattainable leaves an empty feeling in the gut that is extremely hard to extricate, but it certainly provides fodder for writers and poets to write pieces that air their grief. (BTW, in the fourth from the last stanza, you have a repeating word moment, "...could take my, my breath away...", just letting you know.) All together a very niece write. take care...dan

[Brian M. Peeples]

The comma introduces a pause between both "repeating words," meaning it acts as a loss of breath. Like, when a person is out of breath and tries to speak, he/she will sometimes repeat the last word he/she said after pausing to take a breath, in order to continue the sentence. I felt that it fit in with what I was saying about the woman's beauty taking the character's breath away. I wrote that purposely. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Somethings we cannot have. Leave us wishing and dreaming.
"that I was here,
forever and always
until my final breath
was stolen away,"
Sometime we can be held by words and beauty. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Yeah, i can relate to this in a way...its complicated. Anyways, a very well penned piece. rating 100#

[wordman]

a beautiful ,write about a love that never was